nomad'z land

i wish i could write.
without having to write.
what i mean is
i wish i could capture all my thoughts that are like flocks of birds all flying in different directions into one spacious nest,
and have them all face the same way,
each politely taking their individual turn to chirp
with enough time in between chirps so that i can document their opinions properly and accurately.
thank you for your time, next?

sometimes they flow easily like a cool stream lightly over smooth clean stones
other times they’re like mini explosions, timed haphazardly, that i have to chase all around the map like a war photographer

i love the best exotic marigold hotel. its two hours of beautiful one-liners spoken to a background of vivid imagery. the kind of movie i’d like to one day write.

i think love can happen at any age. any time of day. between any two people.

today’s my first day of solitude after my first week of grad school. its a unique place to be, simultaneously attending a public community college and a private graduate school. its the yin and yang of academia, personified. yes its a full load–school, more school, work, volunteering, traveling–but its a good one. i feel it in my bones. somehow time stretches to include all that needs to be in a span of 24 hours, like a belly full of good food and contentedness, it really does. the rigor of higher education and the laxity of community college classes. its like being a prolific child actor and being provided mandatory therapy to ensure that one’s foray into adulthood isn’t met with the pitfalls that can so easily accompany fame. christ, with that metaphor, i obviously grew up in la. anyway, im glad that im undertaking both at the same time, even though its ‘by choice although not my choice’.  its kinda like training wheels, and i dont quite mind having them on. sometimes i like having my hand held.

i feel challenged and blessed. anxious and eager. ready to be the change freddy.

715am malibu, surfrider, took some shots for mattie, the end

ps first shots were from night prior, where i had my first real (non-sexual) lesbian experience, i might be gay. meh. but i cant be because im very in love with my boodle and desire only him. wah.

happiest birthday to the love of my life!!! flew up to sf for his bday at HOME do you hear that HOMEEEEE wheeeeee! what a nice normal birthday weekend. no shows, no people. just had him all to my selfish ol self! we watched elysium saturday, i knocked out shortly thereafter and probably we slept for the next 14 hours or so. got some breakfast at 2 in the afternoon or something silly, caught up on breaking bad then ate at 5A5 for some muthafuckin steaksicles! i love getting gussied up with the loverbear. and good god if hes not the most handsome in the whole world, well slap my ass and call me sally cause ill be damned. i just stare at him and am fulfilled. how creepy of me. im so glad i feel that way about him. its pretty exciting i suppose.  heres to the best 41st year of life to my lovelybonesjones! i love you!!!!

flew into salt lake city, home of my dear friend huevos’ alma mater, go utes! holy my cab driver was the worst ever once we reached the red butte gardens and ampitheatre or whatever the fuck. j had to summon a golf cart guy to search for me, chasing each other around like we were in the worst video game ever. oh well, first world problems, blah blah blah! left my big ol’ brace at home but had my knee sleeves wheeeee progress! if im ever injured again i solemnly vow to not spend a fraction of how much time i spent being crazy beastmaster status this run. i was just thinking about how much energy i wasted in one month. but i neeeeded to, you feel me. i live, i learn, insert alanis morissette lyrics here. i just couldnt help myself! okay anywayyyyy. so we had a little bitty ride through the gardens on a teskemobile which was just lovely. threw my shit in the dressing room then j and mike put on a show of two songs for the fans who had been waiting outside the venue for like way too long. i swear to god i mean this in the most not bitchy way possible, but is that necessary? dont they already have tickets? cant they just show up like 3 or 4 hours prior instead of 20? i really dont know how this works. im going to google it. or do they do it on the offchance that mike will come out and say what up. i am very interested in finding the answers.

next. got a little yoga in during soundcheck, then tagged along with mike leah and j to the hospital down the street where they went to play for a little girl with leukemia whos a huge fan and obvs couldnt make it to the show that night…………. i KNOW. how fucking sweet is that shit. why is my boyfriend literally and figuratively the nicest man in the fucking universe and how did he end up with such a sarcastic shit talking ass hole such as myself. balance, people, balance! that is what i tell myself anyway. well it must be working, cause he seems to find me funny and i dont find his super niceness annoying at ALL. it must have been loooove, etc. so they sang a few songs and it was just really sweet. dude. childrens hospitals are the fuckin bomb. i was wondering why the entire galaxy doesnt look like a childrens hospital, painted with bright colors and happiness. maybe thats why people do graffiti. enter cops aka the man trying to suppress our collective creative expression. fuck the police. okay tangent over i guess.

ummm what else. so im always hating on the bands groupies right, talkin about how i hate all of js fans who are over 16 and under 45 cause theyre probably dirty sluts (which by the way in defense of my ability to be mature is not entirely true). well finneeee universe i change my mind, although its situational. cause these three groupies were all about me like i was ben and jerrys with pickles and they were pregnant mamas with hormonal flareups like coronal mass ejections yeah i work in space physics so i use terms like coronal mass ejections in my metaphors what whattt. whatevs im stupid on fridays. anyway they were super sweet if not a tad lesbionic but arent we all. i did motorboat all of them i blame it on the effects of the unwritten road rule: drink. followed by: smoke weed. both preceded by: no number 2 on the bus! i think thats the first thing i was told when i first was accepted into the traveling circus as head bystander: dont shit on the fucking tour bus! only pee!! it makes sense. anyone whod argue with that is a dirty scumbag. anyhoo what else.. ummm yeah i got real stoned then fell asleep hardcore on the bus, poor j was uncomfy cause he was trying to not squish me and injure me further. which is why i always give him at least two hours in the morning of alone time in the bunk while i go wreak havoc on the dawn.

awoke in aspen, but had momentarily forgotten we were in aspen, so i looked out the window and said out loud as i yawned and wiped the sleep from my eyes “where the fuck are we?” to which bright cheery leah was like “aspen!” oh leah. i love leah, she is like a light in our lives with her salt watered waves and endless reserves of positive energy and yellow aura (just kidding i cant see auras… yet). so we went for what else but a wake n bake while i sang beauty and the beast cause aspen is basically like that, all bread and rolls to sell, every morning just the same since the morning that we came to this (very not) poor (very not) provincial town.

i believe j and mike had radio promo our first day in aspen. all i remember is it was in a kitchen and it was hot as bwalls. then we had dinner at matsuhisa which is da BOMB and also super expensivo im guessin. the owner michael is also the owner of the belly up which is where mfsh was playing that night. and his brother is the wrestler goldberg. holy flashbacks to wwf and all the filipinos in school being all over wrestling back in kid days. hilarz.

holy altitude be fuckin ma shit UP. didnt realize it but i was hurtin for a squirtin in need of oxygen style. luckily for me there was an oxygen machine at the venue in the dressing room and it. was. amazing. worked so well. unbelievable. how have i never done that before. im addicted to oxygen now.

okay im kind of over this post now.

anyway. so many cougars at the show. and the venue was so small but cozy not in a bad way. i had to watch from the soundboard thingy where bulby is which is where i got some dope pictures. i need to start selling my pictures the same way i sell my body on thursday nights and select sunday mornings, ha ha. lance armstrong was also there but who really cares. i suppose hes nice enough. for a liar. okay anYWAY.

the next day j worked with lynn goldsmith, photographer and artist extraordinaire. she and i are basically the same person, except shes 36 years older and white. but we talk the same kind of shit and i love it. anyhoo j is working on music with her, and i went to grab a bite and a drinky with bulby. then they had a little kiddie concert at aces on puppy smith road. how can i ever forget that name. puppy smith. im going to name my firstborn puppy smith. it will hate me so much but itll be soo cute for the first few years. blah blah went to a fundraiser for mike and saras new venture at owner michaels house which is pretty ridiculous. the amount of money some people have is just laughable.  ha ha ha ha ha see me laugh? laughable! k im so over it, ttfn!

i flew into seattle for a super quick 1030pm-6am jaunt which is unfortunate since ive always wanted to explore seattle, but with my very attractive leg brace, it wouldnt have been feasible anyway. good thing about the leg brace is you can prop that shit up across three seats and nobody will sit next to you. scorefish! well, its either because i look like im in pain or just that disagreeable. id say its a little bit of both. and by a little bit i mean a lot. i also get a lot of different acl stories whilst traveling, most of which i find very encouraging in my determination to avoid surgery. oh god enough about my knee. so i got into seattle and settled into the hotel, waited for j to come to me and quickly downspiraled into a shit mood because that has been my m.o. for a good month (but good news and spoiler alert, im finally out of it, thank god and you are welcome universe and all of its inhabitants) so when j finally got to me i was in a heap of tears and madness. but he is good to me and more patient than i sometimes deserve so retrospectively well it aint so bad at all!

woke up the next morning at 6 to board the tour bus and mosey on down to portland! i survived the bus with my leg intact, just made sure i had to not be moving around and shit, or as my orthopedist said “dont be stupid about it.” oh man i had about 700 bouts of diarrhea here in portland. tmi? well fuck off then. this is important. it was a little hairy getting to and from places, not that i had to get around so much. anyway alcohol helps TONS. which is precisely what i got a lot of. and for that precise reason. you know, sometimes alcohol turns me into a beast. but i guess for other times when i am already in beast mode, it brings me to gentle giant status, minus the giant. oh, hilarious, at one point the smoke machine on stage got cray cray and enveloped j like he was in lost and shit. there is a sequence of three pictures down there all about it. i was dying!

moseyed on down to bend oregon later that night. oh hilaaarioussss and burn i dont have any pics, but we went on this lazy river and when i say lazy, i mean this shit was lazier than that one guy in your group of friends who cant peel himself off the couch and is always in a permahaze of weed smoke, oh and is 35 years old and has been stoned since 16. we went tubing with mike sara urana ethan ade and hossein… we WENT but we did not FINISH tubing. j and i could not for the life of us fuckin move down this river. it was so cold and my butt was cold for the next three hours but it was really just the funniest inadvertent thing id experienced in a long time. i love laughing my ass off with my boodle, it makes the sun shine and the world go round, but it doesnt make the river move, so theres that. i mean we were so slow that the runner had time to take the rest of our group back to the tour bus and come back and wait for us. i shake my head at you lazy river. laziest river of life.

i was gonna leave from bend but they were driving down to sf that night so changed my flight to leave sf the next morning, true to employee of the year form. thank the career gods for letting me not get fired, and i hope i didnt just jinx myself!

if the overall tone of a year is judged by the first day of ones individual orbit around the sun, methinks imana like year 29 of life on this planet! kinda feels like 80 or thereabouts, but i sneakily suspect its due to my gimpiness which, if everything goes according to plan, will prove very temporary. shit, it better be temporary. mama needs to get back to cardio weights yoga and toight like a toigerness you feel me dogs??

so! i was up bright and early on my golden birthday for a 6am flight to nyc on united, but i gotta tell you, wheelchair service got me through all the shit i loathe about united, namely more interaction with undesirable people than necessary. i think it also helps to dread it so much that shit cant possibly be as bad as you are dreading. i intended to/j told me to bring one backpack since i was going to be crutching it for at least some of my trip, but well, that failed. so there i was 4:25 am in a crippled heap nearly in tears complaining my ass off to my poor parents who, as always, come to my rescue and make everything better, notwithstanding telling me to shove it, get a grip, and shut the fuck up (not in those words but basically). so i ended up taking a carry-on (which i checked in) AND a backpack which i gotta say, thank god for wheels, can i get an amen. what did we do before luggage. i bet past people are time traveling to the future and being all, you spoiled ass lazy motherfuckers you have it so easy!!!! luckily all economy seats were economy plus so i had me adequate leg room. i guess for how much i complain about united, i only had one blah issue this flight, which is that the flight attendant who was assisting me onto the plane was acting like my injury was inconveniencing his entire existence. well fuck you guy, fuck. you. slept for four hours which was fantastic. didnt end up clotting and survived with my leg still intact. as you might guess, the asshole steward was not even trying to help me, but someone much nicer hooked it up with actual service for the disabled, so he made up for the other guys incompetence. got wheeled outside upon landing, where markypoo met me and we ubered it to the blakely hotel midtown. also must thank god for good friends! i would have surely been in severe histrionic batshit mode if mark werent there to hoist all of my shit to the hotel. we got a little jamba juice and starbucks to tide us over until dinner, then hung out in the hotel bar with apriljoy and jonathan and had some birthday drinkies whee! j finally got to the hotel and stopped by the bar for a hello and a kissyface before going up to work for a bit (of course). inez had rolled up by the time j was done and we went to, you guessed it, hooters(!) for my bday dinner! 😀 i feel like my birthday is the only real way i can force people to accompany me to hooters sans any hint of protest. i cant believe i gotta beg people to go, i mean come on the wings are the best and there are bimbos and boobs like really? anyway anytime im at hooters is like the best time of my life. and i bought js album since it came out like the second it turned july 30 which was exciting! and because im equal parts shopaholic and supportive girlfriend. good times with loved ones. i think its the best birthday ive had in probably forever. super chill, no big hoopla. just a regular ol’ make-it-up-as-you-go day + hooters! maybe the key to a bomb bday is to not spend it anywhere near la. ill try it next year and see how it goes. oh shit im going to be 30 next year what the fuck. and what do i have to show for it besides my double Ds and collagen injections.

the next morning… i dont know what we did the next morning, but we had to be at the ed sullivan theater by 2 or some shit for them to prep and soundcheck for letterman! we totally walked* there (*gimped on crutches) and it wasnt far, but by the time we got there, j and i were both like uhhh yeah lets get a ride back to the hotel after. i watched the show from the audience with urana, which means i fucking missed meeting bryan cranston arghhhh!!!! oh well. also the studios are way smaller than youd think, and cooooold as a motherfucker. so cold. i was fine since for some reason its like my knee brace turns my overall body temp up 15deg and shit. oh, also before they let you in to sit down, they have someone basically fluff you emotionally. like they reallyyyyy make a big deal about how we HAVE TO LAUGH even if we dont think shit is funny. and almost threatening us that if we dont laugh, dave letterman will not like our energy and will use his better jokes for a better audience. they even had a video of alec baldwin getting on our asses about applauding and laughing very heartily. geezaloo. we get it! we also were not allowed to “whoo!” to which urana and i were like, well what the fuck else sound are we supposed to make when were cheering?? anyway it was cool, i was all clapped and not-whoo-but-another-noised out by the end. pretty interesting to see how it all transpires. they have yet another fluffer (a pre-dave house comic) who comes out and attempts to rile us all up. the house band plays all throughout the commercial breaks. and people gather around dave and talk about im not sure what. theyre probably fluffing his ass too. we all need fluffing! a lot of monitors so you cant really see much from where youre sitting, luckily they have monitors above the audience for us to watch unobstructed. amanda seyfried and bryan cranston were the guests. then mfsh came on and it was funny cause mikey is always like, everybody on your feet jumping! and we had basically had our brains rewired to act according to letterman rules, so everybody was like errrrr i think we are not allowed to get on our feet jumping? but by the end of the song everyone was up out of their seats (minus me). then after they finished, letterman was saying how it was such an upbeat performance that ed sullivan was alive backstage! sweet shit bro. so that was that. went back to the hotel. wow my memory is shit i dont know what we did. im guessing napped and ate mini bar snacks hahahaha. oh wait i remember, yes that is precisely what we did. with the tv on. that night we had dinner downstairs with tommie and daniela who are great fun. carl came by to share some stories which made us laugh, thanks for that carl. oh! we also spied tina fey and jennifer westfeldt who by the way was so drunk off wine like her eyes were not even open. girl, i been there. we watched the show on tv in mikeys room, hung with tommie and d some more then got to sleep at 2 (eek) for a 7am wake up for the view!

so we woke up at 7 something to be downstairs and driven to the abc studios for their view performance. oh ja, this dressing room was muuuuch bigger and better than lettermans. we were all zombied out cause who gets up at 7 willingly. waited around for a while, and they took sara urana and me to watch from the audience. this was cooler than letterman for sho. its crazy how much smaller all this shit is in real life. teri hatcher and dean norris were guests. and holy cow, teri hatcher is fucking beautiful. i want to look like her when im [googles her age] 48??!?!?? jesus christ. okay there is no way i am going to look that good at 48. fuck it, it is now my goal for 48, to look that good. i guess it can be done. dean norris is also much skinnier and more attractive than he appears on breaking bad. the fluffers here did not come on as strong, which was appreciated. the main fluffer was pretty funny too. most of the time. so when mfsh came on to play they had the last two rows and some of us in the audience stand up in front, concert style. i managed to swing it without my crutches, good thing the song is only 3:20. great performance. it is kind of a trip, the whole thing. like j being on tv. what the fuck. so crazytown. anyway after that we all parted ways, and j and i headed somewhere so he could finish business. mark swooped me up and we met up with inez to polish off a muthafuckin pizza which was amaaaze. took way too long to ask someone to take a picture for us, inez picked the worst most incompetent guy in the entire universe, but the next gal made up for it big time. it was hilarz. picked up food for j and went back to the office where mark and i talked shit in our inside voices so as not to disturb anybody. saw js dear friend stephanie for a quick minute before we headed to newark to fly down to ft lauderdale. got wheelchair service again cause i was not about to walk all that way to our gate, you must be tripping. first class wheeeeee. j slept and i watched catfish because i am obsessed. with mainly the idea of catfishing. anyway, we landed and j wheeled me out where keef picked us up! keef and eggy are two fans-cum-friends. we stopped into a diner to eat, and the greeter was a poor mans dead ringer of javier bardem’s chigurh from no country for old men. god i love humidity. anyway good times, went to the crib where we were put up in the guest house which was awesomesauces. smoked some herbz and i had to tap out for the night, i was completely drained of energy at that point.

woke up the next morning/early afternoon, tore my motherfucking brace off and laid my ass by the pool, ahhhhh. perfecto. vacation commence. j knew i was back when he woke up and instead of me lying next to him was the brace, and missing were my crutches and bikini. i loooveeeee the sun, we are truly bff. until he gives me skin cancer but im filipino plus i use sunblock like a mofo. anyway had nice fun relaxing pool time with loverbear, then sunset hit and we headed over to the W hotel in ft lauderdale where j got us this sick corner room, happy birthday to meee!! ocean views and two walls that were floor to ceiling window doors whatttt. it was nastay in the best way. this man spoils me i tell you what! the four days after were pretty much lazybonesjones, beach, pool, movie, eat, repeat! humidity is funny, it makes the room sweat like straight up “girl i wanna make you sweat sweat til you cant sweat no more” status. ummmm so we would sleep with the doors open mang, and id wake up cause the pool speakers would be poppin off, wed just barely catch breakfast downstairs at steak 954 where i would be entranced with the aquarium wall full of jellyfish like i was on acid. then wed get some sun and spy on guidoville cause well, it can be pretty guidoville down there. we watched wolverine at this sheisty movie theater which scared me especially since i am not in shape to run away from people if need be, but thankfully need was not.. been? had dinner with keef eggy and bulby one of the nights and another night watched pacific rim with bulby in 3d imax which was a little cheesy but im not really a movie snob so it was fine. that theater was not ghetto, in fact it was very educational and cool and it made me feel like/wish i was a kid again, especially the part where my knee is fully intact 😦 i wish i could have stayed longer to learn about dinosaur eggs or volcanoes or whatever that theater had to offer but i think people are tired of me wanting to stay too long pretty much everywhere i go. by the end of our trip i was walking without crutches but with my knee brace bent which is progress thanks to rest relaxation and my own version of rehab. i was on that exercise bike as much as possible and j, sweetheart that he is, sat on the floor next to me as i pedaled away. and hed carry me from our beach spot to the ocean and back when my brace was off, i mean come on. if this isnt the biggest catch of my life then ill be motherfucking damned. anyhoo lots of yumminess including but not limited to: vanilla french toast which was amazeeeee and wagyu skirt steak which was da bombbbb. ja, needless to say i cant wait to get to working out again! flew home monday late afternoon after catching our last bit of sun/beach time and making use of the W’s complimentary hospitality suite whatttt sick. thats service. our flight attendant was all over us to get married like she was basically planning our non-existent wedding. but very sweet. and she gave me wings! so excited about that. my flight back to la was delayed a few hours (of course) so i stayed in sf the night and flew home the next morning, so sad. but so fulfilled and feeling very spoiled and lucky and loved and in love and rested and already ready for another adventure!

vacation rating: 5/5 stars. best birthday/birthday week of my life thus far.
j rating: 5/5 stars. best life partner ever in this life, the last one, the next one, and in the entire universe.

oh snap its like a new twist on john and jackie kennedy minus the pillbox hats, infidelity and assassination. so i guess just the names is really all there is to that comparison. well and the good looks of course. i loveddddd jacquies dress. like i would use it secondhand style, on the reals. also loved the smart car driving me down to the ceremony level cause with this acl tear, the only shit poppin is my knee. i also love watching people dance. it makes me laugh and cry cause i guess im just that kind of ass hole. i feel like there are all these little treasures in topanga, the venue 1909 being one of them. oh man and dont get me started on the hors doeuvres son. sometimes i feel like hors doeuvres are the best part of a wedding. that is not a shittalk against a marrying couple, its just that the nibbly bites are so fucking good. we should have hors doeuvres parties where we dress up and waiters serve us nibblies and alcohol. um best idea ever? i think so. im full of them. or just full of shit, your pick dick. god this injury turns me into some kinda biotch. i gotta say john and jacquie make quite the attractive couple. they make me wanna be on match.com except for the fact im happily spoken for. or maybe j and i can play a game where we make profiles under aliases and see if we find each other, except for the fact that sounds like major super disaster waiting to happen so nevermind. anywayz here are pics!

so happy!!!! the date was sunday, june july 21, 2013. the location was surfrider beach, malibu. the attendees: ethan, sophia, ramsey, becky, and myself, as well as some random compas for a familial touch. what more is there to say? yaf was nervous as fuck, and syleste was surprised as all hell. she said yes! duh. 🙂 tears flowed, also duh. i might write more later. semi duh. oh god i suck right now. but yay yaffe and syleste!!!! ❤

oh boy. in summary, blue, bouncy house, pop, sprained knee. fml. but everyone had a great (and very drunken) time including me up until i turned into a pumpkin around 12am. thank god for uber although perhaps aaa would have been a better idea. happy birthday to ronx and me 🙂

pink martini makes me the happiest girl alive! well, when im at their concert swaying to their music not just randomly throughout any given day but that is very tangential sorry. let me begin anew.

this time the sugar child (me) took the sugar mama (syleste) out for a date aka sylestes first (and my second) time at the hollywood bowl! we attempted to count how many concerts weve been to together. the number so far is 10. and thats in the last 3 years. not bad. granted three were js and two were jayz. i sense a theme. of letters not musical styles. is this thing on? and by this thing i mean my ability to make sense and stay on point.

if youve never been to hollywood bowl, youre missin out! its just such a beautiful and neat venue. and when the suns going down and everythings changing colors, its magic. and if youve never heard pink martini, youre extra missing out. pink martini is like a mini orchestra based out of portland. super diverse, and they sing a lot of throwback tunes and in different languages with the accent etc to a muthafuckin t. i am re-inspired for the zillionth time to get back on my piano game. one of my dreams is to play in an orchestra. hahahha is it too late, kinda like how you cant try to plant the roots of becoming a ballerina over the age of 4?

so we got to our seats, popped open the wine juice boxes (i know, amazing) and started getting down on sylestes pasta salad which was amaaaze. we determined anywhere from 80-95% of people there were on the wine train. all aboard niggaz! la philharmonic opened with two songs, and stayed on to accompany pink martini.

shit its been days and now too much time has passed. ive lost the mojo for this entry. ummmmmm let me think. china forbes is their main singer, but they brought on another, storm large, since china was out with some throat issues for a while. both amazing. they had a few guest appearances including ari shapiro who was npr’s white house correspondent, and whom the ladies were oohing and aahing over. i personally was a big fan of his silver brocade jacket and his tan. awwww and then they had this 95 year old clarinetist who was making his debut performance at the hollywood bowl. he sure is still kickin! i hope i am doing shit at 95 years old other than dying or lying in a vegetative state. he was dope.

in conclusion, go see pink martini!!!!! i guarantee a happy time or your money back. depending on how much you paid for a ticket.

aka longest post ever.

1. first things first (i poppa). are you familiar with the phenomenon endearingly or not so endearingly known as “mommy mush brain”? basically, because youve all da sudden got mad shit to focus on such as your baby and caring for it, simpler things fall by the wayside like remembering peoples names or perhaps your own, you know general memory issues. i do believe, watson, that ive discovered through experiential learning a new phenomenon which i hereby pronounce (drumroll please) “travel tush bush.” ………… hahahahhhahah thats so stupid. and kind of perverted sounding right. anyway ill keep it, whatev! survey says it stays biotch. basically, since i all da sudden be traveling like a mofo and cant keep track of where the fuck i am or what time zone im in, when i finally land home-home, im a seriously hot mess, in desperate desperate need of unwinding (and a shower etc but whos counting) but unable to find adequate time to cater to this necessity, and completely incapable of looking or being non-nonsensical. case in point:  somewhere in my uncomfortable last-row plane slumber, visions of in n out were dancing in my head. this is how my cravings appear. so on the way to work straight from lax, i get in n out. i get a number 3 with no onions and a vanilla shake, and an extra hamburger no onions just in case. just in case what you might ask? just in case i want to fucking eat more than one hamburger, duh. or maybe just in case i see a homeless person on the way to work and want to do a good deed. i scarf down my initial number 3 and am left with a few fries and a hamburger (and no homeless in sight oh well sorry maybe next time). i arrive at work’s parking lot and am faced with a quandary. …i dont want to keep this burger in my car because it will stink up the place and im not trying to get in my car and get hit with hot hamburger smell upon returning; i dont want to keep it in my car and leave the windows open cause im not trying to get my car stolen somehow (paranoia); i dont want to bring this to my office cause i wont eat it right away and i dont want it to stink up the place while im working; i dont wanna put it in the fridge cause duh talk about losing the integrity of the bun consistency (thats what she said). so i do the next best thing: i wrap the in n out box in napkins and place it on top of my trunk. not in the trunk. on top. and i hope for the best. 5 hours later, im hungry. this is when i realize how hilariously idiotic i am for having just left my fucking food on top of my car like theres some force field around it protecting it from the elements and the hungry wild ass squirrels that outnumber humans 3:1 on this campus. this, my friends, is travel tush bush. anyhoo, i go to get it and guess what? UNTOUCHED. booya. i ate that shit like a motherfucker and it was goooooood. ftw!

2. does anybody else use bread as a napkin? cause i just did that with the hamburger bun. ugh. and again we say: travel tush bush!

okay this is going to be the longest post ever as if it isnt already. my b.

stop 1: bristow, va (july 12)

i take a red-eye lax->iad thursday night. on united… i. fucking. HATE. UNITED!!!!!! motherfucker. okay i dont hate united when j hooks it up with first class. my hate is not that all-encompassing. mine hate doth not encompass that which douches do love. but southwest is ma shittttt. oh well. slept the entire way thank godddd. only sleep could have calmed my ass down to a normal human level of non-rage. anyhoo landed to rainnn rainnnnnnn (i was singing that part) at 7am! my dear cousin minerva picked me up and it was sooo nice to see her, i love her!!!! we went to her house, super mtv cribs style. her dog diamond, this little mini pinscher, is hilarz. yappy little thing and so hyper but soo cute. then we went to see tashaboo who is about one minute away, i love. reunion! of course we baked since we were awake. something about dubious poison. very dubious i do say! so many memories at that house on cavalier woods lane. you know one time we were playing hide n seek and i had this epic hiding spot in the bar in the basement, in a cabinet. i had to pee sooo bad but didnt wanna lose my spot. so i pissed myself. i wasnt even embarrassed. i guess i won/lost. i hope my future daughter has more sense than i at that age. anyway, at this point j was parked somewhere in bristow but was heading to promo at the hamilton in dc. we rolled up in that bitch why am i talking like this. we met him there and i love when my family meets j cause hes so sweet and lovey and happy and friendly and everyone just loves the shit out of him which duh cause whats not to love, i mean he is the best man ever after all. i gotta say its also nice for people to see us together for several reasons. 1) people get to see our loveydoviness in person not just listen to me yammering on about it making me feel like im making up a fake boyfriend, and 2) they get to experience his coolness for themselves, it is quite infectious and im not being biased. even gavin degraw said so. real crux of point 2 is: not gonna lie i was kind of irritable and by irritable i mean IRRITABLE, and for some reason significant others always suffer unnecessarily as a side effect, but hearing minerva and tasha “awwwww” and “i loveeeee himmmm”  and “you guys are soooo cute” and “hes soooo niceeeee” made me re-realize i should stop with the bitchiness which in my defense was leftover from united (i hate you united).

so promo was cool, love dc, love just being IN dc. so much history!!! SO!! MUCH!!! HISTORY!!!!!! okay thats enough of that. parted with the cuzzos and went with j and all them in a shag carpeted molester van to bristow. i believe we were all knocked out must have been the softness upon our feets! lets see  what else, soundcheck, yoga which was accompanied by a hardy looking bunch for an audience (train’s crew – all tatted and smoking cigarettes. interesting juxtaposition), then showtime! found neil loretta and the kids jacob ethan and ava and watched the show from the audience with them, brought the kids up on stage for ‘say hey’ about which neil kept saying “they will remember this forever!!!” haha. minerva trey and ethan showed up and we all hung backstage in the dressing room then watched train sidestage which was superb although you cant really hear shit cause its all charlie brown style you know what i mean. soooo happy j got to meet more of my family since fam+fam=fam. so good at math. loretta especially was like, ‘keep him!! he is so good with kids and so nice!!!’ 😉  also of note and not surprising is feedback i received from the band/crew of my family, namely that they were so sweet and so nice. duh! although maybe not necessarily duh since i can see how it may come as a shock given my occasional vulgarity and obnoxiousness. im still mostly sweet as pie though right? right????? and now some pics for your viewing pleasure before i go on and on and on..

stop 2: darien lake, ny (july 13)

first night back on the bus: complete. and boyyyyy did i sleep!! i believe it was about 11 hours. gangsta. soo coffin snuggle styles. i was a little apprehensive cause last time i was on the bus (almost a year ago) i was having some serious claustrophobic reactions but it was all gravytrain this time whee!! anyway woke up in darien lake new york which is near buffalo i guess? so crazy how everything stage-related is loaded and unloaded daily to and from a buttload of semis. well this was for train’s shit. sooooo much stuff. requires lots of people! its nuts. yet it gets done somehow. impressive. tried to get reading done which took me forevs to do. i think we kinda laid low this day until showtime. oo! lineup was gavin degraw, mfsh, then train. looooove gavin. this is when we hatched the idea to hook him and leah up which (spoiler alert) we need more time to make this one come to fruition. anyway we also failed at riding these roller coasters that were RIGHT NEXT DOOR ugh!!! fail!! oh yeah! so this night during js show i hung out with my new bff jerry who is guitar/keyboard for train. he is soooo hilarious. we were talking so much shit the entire show it was the best. i wish he were around for every show. but i guess he has other things to do. anyhoo watched train from soundboard area this time then wayyy back in the boondocks. so many people. at one point i had to pee and i was going to go in the public restrooms and j was all “dont do that, its so dirty in there” then he led us astray and i ended up popping a squat next to a fuckin portapotty anyway. thanks a lot boo! in solidarity he pissed on the other side of the potty but he has a weenie so its a lot easier than for me 😦 after train was done we took the afterparty to their dressing room and overtook that shiz dictator communism style but way more fun and less oppression. hilarious times, see pics below for reference. new bff jerry wins for most entertaining entertainer of the night. then we were off to the border to get into canada! but not before a stop at a flying j to pick up super unnecessary things and take pictures but no beer cause they didnt sell alcohol 😦

stop 3: toronto, ontario (july 14)

woke up sunday morning in toronto! actually let me backtrack. so after flying j it was about/aboot an hour to the border. we all had to wake up so customs could give us back our passports etc. this fool manas would not get up. hahahahhahah. so the customs guy just came to his bunk. canadians are so nice. you know if we were coming back into america they woulda found some way to ship his ass back to nigeria for being so difficult. anyhoodle. as i was saying, woke up in toronto to the sound of cars racing! big races going on by the lake that we were on. it was also hot as a motherfucker. loverbear and i went for a little walk since i was like “i want to take a walk” and since he gives me anything i ask for within reason and even sometimes without reason which is why i adore mi amor (color me badd what what). watched some of the races from up top. they go soooo fast!! and its so loud!!!  i want!!!! i want to race!!!! pretty sure j will do anything to make sure i never race in real life so i had to settle for the arcade racing backstage, which was still fun although i drive way better in real life than in video games. ladida, more of the same.. soundcheckity, showtime, oh! this night j mikey and raliegh went up to sing with train and gavin for the last song. so cool! also, hilarious but at someones expense is that train uses a shiny black stage floor thing which looks amaze but also is conducive for slipperiness as evidenced by one of their crew eating shit by where j and i were standing side stage. whoops! blame the heat and the fucking smoke machines. i want a smoke machine wherever i go. whos my secretary, i need you to write this down and make it happen, thanks. anyway trumpet player brian hooked it up with mad knowledge with the 50mm lens. perfect since i am not a read-the-manual type gal much to j’s chagrin and berating whenever im all “i dont know how to fucking use this thing.” i took soooo many fucking pictures this night as if i didnt already the day before fml sorry. i laughed my ass off the entire weekend but this night i laughed the hardest. early night kinda so took the party to the bus where i took pics of everyone smoking weedles and michael dubbed one picture in particular “ganja murderers” which then prompted everyone to bust out with their best barrington levy inspired freestyles/rasta accompaniment or “noises” as i called it to which bulby was like hell no. maybe you had to be there but i was dying and a half. who is even going to read all of this (hi becks 🙂 and boodle?).

stop 4: grand rapids, mi (july 15)

this is the last stop, i promise. are you still with me? i am barely with me so props to you, dear reader, for hanging in there. woke up at some point shortly after knocking out to go through customs on the way back in to the states. i dont know about you all but authority figures put me at unease, hence my ‘fuck des police’ sweater i was wearing all weekend minus whenever we were gonna go through customs cause im a pussy teehee. manas woke up this time which is good cause maybe its just me but us customs seems not as nice as canadian customs eh? they asked us individually what our citizenship was even though they were holding our passports. trick question? i dunno. time waster? probably yes. whatev. anyway it took us forevvvvssss to get to grand rapids, so much so that i had my flight changed from 445pm to 616pm just in case. we were in some mutha fuckin traf-fic. and this is on like a two lane road. so no escaping for us! we were at the mercy of the road. anyhoo got to fredrick meijer gardens or something, in grand rapids. soooooo hot. i mean like SUPER HOT. midwest heat aint no joke!! yuck. i digress. the gardens, from what i saw, were beautiful! wish i coulda had more time to explore! well, more time and cooler weather. they had a runner drive me to the airport which was about 15 minutes away. checked in, then got notice that my flight was delayed an hour. which was not good because my layover in houston was an hour. and my flight from houston to la was the last one out. sooo i stayed one more day! i wasnt ready to leave anyway 🙂 back to the venue i went where i happily reunited with loverbear. did some yoga outside of the bus and tried to ignore the flying annoyances attacking us all the while. dude for real i mean it was HOT. surely there was not one person in that damn state that was not sweating ballsacks. got to meet js bff cathy. i always love meeting js people from back in the day non music related, no offense to those who are music related but you know. just different. liken it, if you will, to j meeting people of mine who knew me before i transitioned to female. haahhahahaah. blah blah, so we were happy we got one last night to snugglefest. drove into chicago where i made the layover part of my flight (i was supposed to fly 555am from grand rapids with a  stopover in chicago until 8) but i just went to chicago obvs and they had cancelled my reservation but i had a ticket in hand so fuck em. fuck em all!!!! fuck united. full circle biotches.

in conclusion:

i laughed SO motherfucking hard this weekend and had such a wonderful time with my lover, getting to see my family and good times with spearhead fam on the bus, traveling around like the circus of misfits and ganja murderaz that they/we are. the little snippets of tour bus life that i get are fascination nation to me. but overall great vibes, super family-like. id give this run an A+ not that anyone gives a flying shiitake. on the reals, i am so grateful for unique adventures and amazing memories with the love of my life. feeling very blessed!! i knew itd get better once i got to heading out of my 20s. 20s, you sucked! oh crap i still have a year left. i take it back. lubadubdub til the next time bubs!

wedding #2 of wedding season 2013: success!

robin and lauren were hitched at eden gardens in moorpark (who knew this place was there!) on a warm southern california afternoon. it kinda had a disneyland/theme park feel (without the cheesiness), you know how theres a ton of plantage (not a word. fine, foliage) where you dont expect it to be. bodies of water, curvy walkways, white peacocks, fountains n greeeeeeen plantaaaggeeee so much greeeen(e). loved the opening music. lotsa ray charles, jack johnson shiz goin on and i love me some ray charles n jj!

sweet n short ceremony, free drinks so you know we were all partaking of the booze celebration bitches style. great food, fun times, dancey pants, good company! nice that robin and lauren seemed super chill and not stressed and that robin had time to hang out with us cause you know usually the bride/groom/both are overwhelmed and doing their own thing and you totally get it but at the same time fill in the blank. wow im so fucking eloquent today. my left earring hole hurts, sue me. shit is distracting then a motherfucker. ill shut up now, here are pics! ps, wedpics is the best/worst (more best than worst) idea of all weddingtimes. its an app thats basically like a private instagram for wedding guests, oh man. they had a photo scavenger hunt to get us to take pics to add to their album, which totally worked. if you were wondering why there are so many pictures of selfies in action down there, wedpics is your answer. basically this was sylestes one and only foray into social media, and a sure reminder of why i quit that shit because i was nonstopppppp i mean it was out of hand for all of us. welp, thats all she wrote! ttfn!

because i am a glutton for equal parts exhaustion and love (well, more love than exhaustion), i accepted a self imposed mission to surprise the boodlie for his red rocks show in colorado. this was straight off my canada beyonce run = an average of 3.5 hours of sleep a night fml fml!!!! good thing this surprise was only two days in the making cause i prob would have spilled el frijoles had it been longer. i figgered its their biggest show of the year (10,000 people sold out crowd whattt!!) and everyone and they mamas and girlfriends were going, not to mention ill justify any cause to see the boodle soooo fill in the blank! i initially wasnt gonna attend cause of my stupid (yet very informative and intriguing) summer class but fuck that shit and i do mean fuck that shit!! i do what i want.

anyway. woke up 4am to catch my 6am flight. intended to sleep the whole 2 hours but ended up talking to this nice lady next to me the. entire. time. including but not limited to exchanging hemorrhoid cream (for eye bags not for poop hole bags) and zit gel. she and her husband were headed to cancun this is so irrelevant. oh! come on with the coincidences, her husbands name is jay but really jason but nobody calls him that except for his mama and like three other childhood people whattttt see. anyway landed at 915, was meaning to catch j at the hotel but he had to leave for the venue at freaking 930 am even though their show wasnt until 930 pm, crazytown!! which shows how much work they had to do to prep eh. met sara at the hotel, then hitched a ride to the venue where team surprise mothafucka went down. i totes had butterflies and nervies about it! ive never surprised anybody before! so im glad i popped my surprise cherry on js face. ;D  i was so nervous he would spot me before i got a chance to surprise which i guess would have still been a surprise, not like i had an elaborate ass plan anyway. hid in mikeys dressing room bathroom, he called j in to talk set list shit, and when he came in i appeared and la di da he was surprised and we kissyfaced and loved on each other and all was right in the world!

and j had to go right back to work, so right back to work he went! they had a yoga thing going on at 1130 or somethin, so i watched that. he and mikey played for 2000 (!!!) yogis. so rad. good god, yoga hoes love them some j bowman. i cant blame them but i can hope that they dont touch him inappropriately cause i will bust a cap or at least cry about it. didnt practice since i was lacking a mat so ade ash cap mustafa and i heeded some fools advice and explored this cave which turned out to be like the most unimpressive thing in the world. but it only wasted around 7 minutes so not much was lost there. picked up a tambourine and worked it cause as i said, i do what i want. yoga thing ended then i went to take me a motherfucking hour napski in the dressing room which i suppose was better than nothing. watched soundcheck, tried to nap again but failed, had girlie time with urana, saw j occasionally for a kiss and a declaration of love, then hours later, show time! but not before trying to hide my exhaustion with lots of makeup (thank god for makeup), and opening act ethan was interrupted by a lightning warning for about a half hour. it poured for a short while and luckily didnt end up raining during js show but it was windy as a motherfucker at some points.

didnt watch from the audience even though it probably would have been best to since the venue is so amaze. instead i watched from side stage and also down in the dressing room and cafeteria where the tvs were playing so that was nice! all the fuss without the muss you dig? er, strike that reverse it. drank probably too much white wine, had a great talk with anita, surprise bombarded j with a kiss at one point on stage (other people were on stage, i wasnt being a psycho about it) and he thought it was some random ho then realized it was me which is hilarious and also nice to know firsthand that he would not allow a random to mack on him. meet n greet after the show, saw famalamz n my sissypoo andrea, knocked out at some point, barely made it to the fucking hotel cause i am a shit show, knocked the fuck OUT. woke up, airport, work, home, its hot, im dying and need a shower and some sleep. the end! and again cant wait to see loverbear! im sure im forgetting shit but here are pictures ttfn! xo

ps oh my god i forgot this lady comes every year to red rocks and makes these egg rolls and sandwiches to eat before the show. holy eggroll soooooo amaze. the best flavors are hoppin john and cabbage miso. or maybe those are the only flavors, im not sure. seriously unbelievable you would die. i was craving them so hard when we were leaving the venue in my drunken/exhausted stupor but all gone fml! ugh my mom is watching ps i love you which is so depressing at some points. oh god i dont ever want my future spouse to die. well hows that for an ending! ttfn for realz! oh wait pps i forgot to steal the skull scarf that was used to line the bread basket fml again!!! ugh. also everyone looked dope in their outfits. yes this is getting random now okay im really done. in conclusion, red rocks rocks and im so proud of all the blood sweat tears effort etc my loverbear puts into his work. i admire him so. mush mush mush etc happy 4th of july! go america

beyonce is the fucking queen of life.

syleste aka my sugar mama took me to see beyonce last night. straight from canada to lax to staples center i went! i almost cried, she is sooooooo fucking amazing. i cant get over it. who doesnt want to be her! she is so amaze, her voice, her dancing, her body, her hair, i could die about it. i love how her entire band is female. those women make music so sexay without being slutfest. jayz wasnt playing when he said she is the best performer in the world or whatever he said. well i really dont have much else to say except i love beyonce she is the best thing in the universe right now, fire, everything!!! basically im still on a beyonce high. i die. the end.

a weekend in canada eh! oh do you remember when snl was at its peak (ie cheri oteri, ana gasteyer, molly shannon etc) and ana gasteyer did this spot-on celine dion skit? that skit, though hilarz, made me so uncomfortable what with her mannish mannerisms and in your face canadianness eh. fortunately ive found that its pretty much just celine dion that is like that. i mean i dont know personally but im glad that canadians in real life arent as scary as represented by ana gasteyer’s impression. although i have only been as far east as saskatchewan so i cant speak for toronto or ontario or montreal (i think those are all east coast too lazy to google maps it) but i will be in toronto next saturday so ill let ya know! really all they do differently is say “eh?” or “hey?” at the end of sentences (which duh i did all freaking weekend) and “soory” instead of “sorry” but thats not as interesting or fun as the “eh/hey?”

k anywayz.

friday.

i got in to saskatoon late friday night and headed to the delta bessborough which looks like a castle and may or may not have actually been one (im guessing not). after trying to weasel my way into a room sounding like a real groupie slut (i had to check in to michaels room–no we did not have a sleepover, he was staying at saras–since j wasnt due in until saturday afternoon and also ask to switch over to js room in the morning–see i told you, groupie slut, i get around! not.), i got in to the room and watched dreamgirls cause well, i love beyonce even though she cant act worth a damn. no offense beyonce i love you youre the queen of life. oh, also love that its still light out until like 1030pm! wheeee i dont know why i love that so much. sun rises early as a mofo though which is where very thick drapes come in handy.

saturday.

woke up and chilled the fuck out, then sara and mike picked me up to head over to the farmers market for some grubadubs. i rode on the back of mikes bike side saddle holding on for dear life like a little koala bear. grubbed, rented some bikes, one for me, and one for j which mikey somehow got back to the hotel, it was very impressive. saw my loverbear!!!! lets see what did we do. i think we chilled for a sec then went to eat mexican with sara mikey and some other peepz. had some drinkies. fuck my memory. hmmmm. oh yeah im totally a bike riding biotch now. i dont like to go too fast though you know how it is. scary is how it is if you were wondering. oh okay i remember now. we watched a little bit of the free show for saskatoon jazz fest which is why we were in saskatoon in the first place. did the punjabi fist pump which yes sounds ridiculous. later saturday night we went to the bassment where we listened to jazz. ……………. oh jazz. so discordant. 10 lbs of shit in a 5 lb bag you know what im sayin! not all jazz but christ almight, its like schizo tourettes going on. also reminds me of the cosby show opening credits where bill cosby is dancing and makes his pudding pop face. so there is one redeeming quality cause who doesnt love bill cosby, i mean really. j and em went up for a little impromptu sesh then we went back to the hotel where i probably just passed out.

sunday.

woke up and biked to yoga in the park where i fell on my face and got a cool scratch near my left eye cause im an idiot. back to the farmers market to get me a pizza because you know when i have cravings they better be fulfilled or you wont hear the end of it and we will just end up hating each other. j then had soundcheck which i got to watch from our room since their show was set in the bess gardens which is in the hotel backyard essentially. moseyed on down to harass him then the band headed to the gazebo along the water down the river a bit for a little free jam session. i was on the shakers, yeah thats right, im in a band biotch. well not really. i just fake it til i make it which will be in… oh somewhere around never. started getting bitten by mosquitoes at this point so that was fun. headed back for nappy time before getting ready for the show! you bet your sweet ass i got a nap in. got ready while j got us food and took too long (not his fault, they take 17 minutes to make a cheeseburger, a fact which they conveniently didnt inform him of until after he ordered it) and by the time he came back i was all, why the fuck did you take so long im fucking hungry fool. (sorry boo i love you so much and thank you for my cheeseburger i love you). went to “preparty” in michaels suite which really was like babies r us. no joke, babies everywhere. j says its because they dont have shit else to do in the winter time besides bone. i guess. so thats the kind of prepartying that was going on. umm went on down to the stage area so j can set up shop. saw bug spray, didnt use it, big mistake. ended up putting some on like second to last song which was too late as evidenced by my now tumor-size bites. i hope im not dying, i dont feel sick but if i drop dead, well it was really nice knowing you all. so i always stay side stage during js shows because 1) i hate watching from the audience when i could be like 5 feet from j not to mention i am antisocial and dont like feeling stuck in crowds, 2) free beer backstage, 3) more free beer, 4) we do a lot of shittalking which makes the show even better. anyway my point was that since im next to js amps i can pretty much only hear js guitar, and boy does he sound soooo good!!!!!! i cant believe thats this fools job is to play the guitar hahahaha like whattttt. what an asshole. just kidding hes the best. anyway found a fun mustache which you can see a pic of down there. blah blah blah and im at work supposed to be a) working and b) writing a paper or c) reading for class tonight. but im exhausted and delirious and i need a drink and by drink i mean WATER only and probably some tacos. anyway thats all i got to say about that, eh! xo

for fucks sake. this is lata than a knocked up ho.

j had a show in hawaii so of courseeee i had to tag along. you know i lovez me some hawaii. i belong there. this must stem from being bullied by white kids in kindergarten and obtaining serious hankerings to be surrounded by people who looked like me, little bowl-cutted chinese looking boy that i was. theres also the whole island thing, and the beach thing, and the being in the sun thing. and the spam, cant forget the spam. or the malasadas. pineapples. okay ill stop. but for real, the sun and the spam.

anyhoo. rented a half topless jeep which was awesome but also faulty as we failed miserably at getting the top to actually shut. oh well. so the show. it was a great show save for THE HARMONIZERRRRRRRR RAWRRRRR. holy devil worship sounding shit and nobody noticed?! go figure. fucking hippies. partayed after the show and dont remember going to sleep which means i was inebriated on some level. do remember j telling me to stop drinking which of course is always a bad sign hahaha. fml what do you want from me!

next day was the best ever because we got to drive down to tripler hospital where j was born!!!!! do you know he had never been back to the hospital. it was so special. we almost cried but not quite. what a great experience. i was so happy to get to be there with my loverbuns. meanwhile im going to the hospital where i was born tomorrow for a pap smear. my hospital visit aint special, basically is what im trying to say. anyway back to not me, it was really cool to document his walking the same hallways and steps and corridors and parking lot that his parents did 40 years ago. what a trip. thats some full circle shit mang. did i mention im crazy about him? cause i yam. so glad he was born. id rather not think of the emptiness that would exist in the dimension of my soul that is his, had he not been.

anywayz. you know mcdonalds is the fucking bomb in hawaii. they got all sorts of shit that dirty island kidz like me only dream of here on this sheisty mainland. got back to turtle bay so j could play some hippie yoga something or other. no joke, i had to leave 10 minutes in cause it was that granola. i can be pretty granola, but this was like whole other level granola. ridiculous. i did return but hid back/side stage and tried really hard to not die watching these hippie ass shenanigans.

finally got me some muthafuckin spam, almost missed my flight, watched hawaii 5-0 the entire way home, felt sad about leaving hawaii, and now im over it and reliving it and oh im over it again 4 months later. aloha biatches.

is not quite worth hiding. if youre j and me, that is. the city of sin had us ironing clothes (well j anyway) on saturday night, ordering room service, and watching a lockup marathon. yeah, thats how we party. hard core. edccccc!!!! not.

friday:

we were due in vegas around 11:30 pm/12 am. my flight was delayed indefinitely, as were all southwest flights, due to system failure. waht the fuck? tracking systems werent working and so couldnt let planes fly. ridic. i actually wasnt tripping since 1) its southwest, im not surprised, and 2) i dunno whatevs, i figured id end up in vegas eventually. my 10pm flight finally left at 1215 am, but not before being delayed a bit more due to a china airlines plane on fire blocking our way. everyone was fine but again what the fuck. friday night southwest shitshow fo realz. you can always tell youre on a vegas flight cause rowdiness level is always super high and shit. whatev i was busy studying followed by nappynaptime. js flight was due to be delayed by an hour. then another hour. and by the time i landed, i got word that his flight was cancelled. what the fuckkkkk part three. such a bummer. he got on the next flight which was 8am. so he got about 2.5 hours of sleep before having to trek back to the airport. what a mess. i was able to check in to mandalay, and by the time i actually got there it was like fucking 230am. woke up to j knocking on the door since i deadbolted that shiz because im paranoid cause i was watching scary things on tv, also you should always deadbolt cause you never know whos going to try to break in and rape/kill you. anyway, sohappy to see my loverbear even though we had just seen each other exactly two days prior. mushfest i love that man!! he is so good to me. i wish everyone can share him cause hes so great but also thats pretty much the last thing i want.

saturday:

caught up on sleep, had some breaky downstairs at like fuckin 2pm or something. went to the pool for 3 hours or so. major people watching. people watching in vegas is the best/worst. at one point i told j, “i feel bad in vegas because i feel judgmental and shit” to which j responded “well theres a lot to judge.” tru dat tru dat. there was one woman (i hesitate to refer to her as such but whatev) who had a plastic gold champagne bottle with a huge chain like a purse. im sure there was alcohol in there. needless to say she was loud as fuck and nearly foaming at the mouth. crikey. frightening. so vegas pools are like sardines in a can. kind of grodes. but ill take sun however i can get it so i hunkered down and dealt with it. hmm what else. oh yeah our super exhilarating saturday night! we got back to our room. i finished my reading homework while lockup marathon was on. j proceeded to iron our clothes for the next morning’s wedding festivities. there is something about my man ironing my clothes that makes me want to just love him forever and other naughty things. we also played with my new canon t3i whoop whoop and the polaroid (not a polaroid, its a fuji instax, but nobody would know what a fuji instax is). then we relished in how relaxing and fun our vegas saturday night was. could not stay awake after a certain point and only woke to eat room service. didnt even hear the guy come in whatttt thats how you know im OUTSkiz.

sunday:

woke up earlier than desired (630am) to prepare myself for the 9am nuptials at graceland chapel (where bon jovi got married!). got to hardrock at 8, met up with js dear friend tommie sunshine and his beautiful bride daniela, and headed on over to the chapel! so fun and easygoing. daniela had on a white bikini and veil and some clear stripper heels, and tommie wore a white suit with no shirt. hahah lovez it.  her bridesmaids were this dj duo from sweden, both in orange mini jumpsuits, ponytails, and platform boots and i do mean plat. form. oh man an elvis wedding is the bomb!!! elvis walked daniela down the aisle while singing.. i dont remember what he sang. it was a very short ceremony but packed with songs and lots of elvis song title references. i think we were all nonstop laughing and smiling. weddings should be that easy! no stress at all mon. elvis had us singing along to “i cant help falling in love with you” and “viva las vegas” hahaahahhaha. i think my favorite part of the wedding was when elvis asked tommie if he wanted to be referred to as “thomas” or “tommie” and tommie asked daniela for her input. she responded that it was up to him, whatever he wanted, and he replied, “well from here on out, its all up to you anyway,” to lots of laughs. a man who recognizes! amen etc. ps tommy lee was a no show, apparently he was face down somewhere. im guessing deep in vag jooz.

after graceland chapel, packed up our stuff at mandalay, put it in storage, then headed to hard rock for the wedding reception which was really rehab, the pool party with fat boy slim spinning. this was the only time j and i drank. i passed out in the sun without sunblock (fail in theory but not in life cause i didnt get burned or anything just crispy like i like!) and j was catching up with old friends and making new ones as he does so well. yeah, totes missed our 5pm flights, so switched our flights to monday morning, and rebooked at mandalay, but got hooked up with a suite at THEhotel. i loveeeeed our room! on the way to the room i told j he needed to feed me more alcohol otherwise id fade into oblivion so he fed me a bud light and what do you know, it worked! ordered room service again, had ourselves a little dance party amid our 18th floor view of vegas. what a fuckin  great difference it is to be bff with your bf. shits the bomb.com. hmm what else. well, i guess thats it. i woke up early as a motherfucker to catch my 6am flight, and left my sleeping loverbear to rest up for what would be his twice delayed 845->1030 am flight. and now im sleepy and cant wait for my next adventure with my boo! next weekend: canada. saskatoon to be exact. ttfn!

aosdfhiaosidfhasoidfhasodfihaosdfih.

perhaps once upon a time i held visions and delusions of grandeur and stardom and fame and ridiculousness deep in the recesses of my juvenile mind. this must be so, because this upcoming trip to vegas is dripping with hilarious vicariousness. j is standing up in a sunday 9am elvis wedding for whom the best man is tommy fucking lee. the reception will be poolside and will be dj’d by fatboy slim. aosidfhaosidfhaoifhaosidfh i could die at the thought. and to think, im just some nerdy hoodrat from the valley. i think we all know what the biggest issue is here. what the fuck am i supposed to wear?? we might be crashing edc, i told j i would bring a pacifier and tube socks and pigtails and those colorful beaded bracelets since thats pretty much what i think rave style encompasses. am i that off? ill be bringing at least three cameras cause we all know pics or it isnt real and shit.

stupidity aside, i had the best date night with j last night. put ma red heels on and we went to muthafuckin in n out. and got seconds. love is grand. c’est si bon!

im pretty sure it can be said without hesitation or doubt that i am not a woman of few words.

sometimes i wish my yoga classes lasted all day. i love that feeling of centeredness i get from practicing in a room full of people there for the same reason, from the sort of guided meditation that comes from my yoga teachers, from being challenged physically, mentally, and spiritually. and i especially love how yoga isnt in-your-face like soooome fucked up institutions we know (cough faith baptist cough). its kinda take-what-you-can-get-from-it-and-if-its-a-little-or-a-lot-we-love-you-all-the-same-and-will-always-be-here-for-you, no pressure.

anyway, my practice today was not only a sweaty ass kicker, but it really prompted some thinkin. in particular, the idea of “needing.” basically, i need nothing. i should amend that. i dont need much at all. no possessions, no distractions. when im in yoga, i have a bottle of water, my slippery yoga mat, a towel (sometimes), and my sweaty self. and i am so content with that. when im in some remote surf shack with j on an island somewhere in southeast asia, and all we have is a bed, a mosquito net, conversation and each other, im like crazy at peace. this morning when i went hiking with huevs and it was us, nature, and our water bottles, i felt super calm and relaxed, despite the fact that i was sweating bombzville and huffin and puffin. is it that i know my belongings are somewhere waiting for me to return? would i worry about those things i supposedly need if i didnt have them to go back to or rely on?

back to needing nothing not much, i started thinking about how that relates to letting go. all these attachments, physical and emotional. take, for instance, my hoarding which i obviously got from somewhere not naming names (mom) okay i named names sorry. like, is my shopaholicism and inability to truly purge a direct reflection of my mental inability to just let go? and i mean letting go of hurts and sadnesses and things that dont serve me anymore at all. is that why i am always taking way too long to fall asleep, because i havent purged whats unnecessary from my mind (daily and cumulative), leaving my mind to race to the point of exhaustion? chicken or the egg: is my hoarding a physical manifestation of my trouble in letting go of things emotionally? to be quite motherfuckin frank, there are definitely things i have trouble letting go of. bitch please, im not gonna go into detail here. i save that for my jiary (thats an amalgamation of ‘journal’ and ‘diary’ – yeah i just made that up, and it kind of sounds middle eastern. not sure how i feel about that cause lets be honest were all at least a little racist. but its okay cause my best friend is lebanese) and for in-person conversations that cant be recorded or referred back to or paper trailed, and for which, if divulged, i will depend on my dazzling eloquence to prove the other party a complete and utter liar and how dare you make shit up about me, etc. welp just somethin to think about… maybe once i manage to let go of all the things i should let go of truly, my closet will become immaculate like jesus’ heart. hahahhahhahhahaha. im an idiot. or was mary the immaculate one? so much for my religious educational background. but really, maybe if i begin to purge my physical belongings, itll somehow create more space in my mind. experiment time biotches.

meditation. slowing down. it seems counterintuitive to getting shit done right? yet.. its actually so not. i still have much work to do on this, but from what ive experienced, slowing the mind actually ends up begetting substantial and effective progress — mind and body. in savasana for instance. youre supposed to keep your mind still and kinda just take in what youve learned from the previous 90 minutes of yoga. let it drip into your bones and your soul and stuff. yeah, not so much for me. i swear i try but once im still its pretty difficult for me to just not think. and i often think “i shouldnt be thinking of anything right now” but the fact of the matter is jack, i dont really care… yet. i dont particularly mind that i cant shut my brain off. maybe ive accepted it which come to think of it, is one step up from being frustrated about it. so there is that. i kind of think that once i get savasana down itll be because im at a place of super enlightened peace, and yes i do think that that is possible. or maybe once i get to a state of super enlightened peace my savasana will show it.

the end the beginning omega alpha boom shakala ttfn

ohhh i loved this last wedding of my wedding tour extravaganza. calamigos ranch is amazzzingggggg!!!! its so fucking pretty. i think all i need are lights in trees and sweet music and my life is set. april and carlo are the cutest hipster couple ever. hahaha. loveeed the processional music. so good!! and the style also so goodddddd! there was this one old dude who could moooove. girl he could MOVE. i had a crush on him. i think it was carlos uncle. hahahhaha yeah i was perving on a 50-60 year old. whatevs. my weekend was a blur. and i had not one hangover. go me! yeah bitches. im an adult now. not a vomiting pissing piece of shit like i was in my former glory days. i also wore BOOB TAPE to prevent any unwanted attention and PASTIES to cover my hard nips since it was cold as a muthafucka. not really cold as a muthafucka, i just wanted to say muthafucka i guess. but it was nipply. not nipply with the pasties! thats right. wish i wore em the night before. oh well. benjamin button fml. blah blah blah the end.

wedding number 3 of wedding season 2012! joelle is mamas bffs daughter. mama has two bffs (one in sf and one in chicago) and they talk every. single. day. nonstop. i love it. sign of a truly fulfilled woman in my opinion. anyway beautiful venue in napa, ive really scored this season. no whack weddings or anything like that. all fun and beautiful and full of looooove!! well i dont really think ive been to too many whack weddings. maybe one or two were whatevs, and ive been to a gazillion of em so percentage wise, were pretty stokesville. if it were buy 10 get 1 free id be married like 3 times by now. anyway had a quick flight up to oakland saturday morning, flew back home sunday morning for less than 24 hours up north and back home for wedding number 4! mama thanked me for not getting shitfaced as we had to take a shuttle to and from the venue and these white niggas were barfing all over the place up in there, prompting the driver to invoke a $700 charge for anyone else who vom’d. yuck! anyway, other than that, it was the bomb. fucksicles the food was so good. god i love food. god i love good food at weddings.

three outfits in one day, hallelujah!! love family time!!!!!! love weddings!!!! love dancing!! love peach champagne!!!!

went to texas to see about karen and the babies, natenate the 2 year old great and noah the buddha baby from heaven! and ejc and jj of course. lost money, gained weight… whats new! not as hardcore when it comes to eating as i was two years ago, but i will make a comeback one day. as always, found out new fun shared cousin characteristics, such as our ability to say no to people who ask us for our personal information. working on it! love the babies!!!!

so a coupla whorish broads walk into a nice hotel in beverly hills and pose as classy ladies having tea time. that wasnt a joke. that was real. only at one of my friends tea parties would there be raucous obnoxious laughter, f-bombs flying, and talk about “slam out with your clam out” to which even i, master sailor potty mouth and queen of all things vulgar, was like, “…ew.” tea parties are awesome!! and it comes with like, little sandwiches and scones and other fun shit. fuck yeah dude. that shit was the booooomb. it really was a lovely time and the men that worked at the hotel were hot but probably really gay or at least bi. whos counting though, i certainly stopped counting, like, yesterday morning. angela is a glowy angel of a mom to be, despite all of her discomfort. and guess what, i get to be in the room pulling that little darling out of her vag, thats right. that wasnt a joke either. stoked!! i used to be a doctor, you know. ask me for details.

there’s nothing like attending a wedding when you’re tending to a broken heart.

….. that’s not too dramatic, is it?

fine. scratch that. thats what she said. grodez. anyway.. there’s also nothing like going to a wedding with a lifelong bff and having a much needed fun night full of drinking merriment and laughs, and most importantly and necessary, ease. congratulations to my black ass for maintaining good behavior even though i was feelin real sloshy inside. im all growz up ftw!!

so glad johnboy came with me to this shindig. ive officially claimed him as my go-to for date-required occasions. a couple days ago we were discussing how relationships should be like friendships, cause for the most part, youre careful with your friends. you try to keep the shittalking to a minimum, you try to be hospitable, i could go on but i wont. so true, cause john was late by 15 minutes (we ended up getting there with time to spare) and later he goes, “i could tell you wanted to tear me a new one for being late.” this is true. i did want to, but i refrained. you know why? cause hes my friend. not my boyfriend. funny how that works. well maybe its just me. or not so much, a few people do come to mind, not gonna mention any names or anything. 😉

wedding was downtown little tokyo at the japanese gardens. super nice and intimate venue. vows were …. interesting. alls i know is john and i kept shooting each other looks of “.. what the fuck?” hahahahah. ceremony was super short!!! love a short ceremony. and commence drinking. and boy did i drink. ive never hung out with work peepz outside of work like this, it was actually pretty awesome. theyre all hilarious. hope i didnt say anything too inappropriate. but i havent been fired or had a complaint filed so i think im okay. so we drank and ate bomb ass food, drank some more, then danced for like five minutes until john vetoed my ass from life due to my inebriation. solid friend right there. well hes also old man status. and we ended up getting home at 1030pm. fuck i suck at partying these days.

aka holy shit im dating a 40-year-old. feels just like dating a 39 year old!

40 years ago on august 25 the sweetest man ever to grace my life was born. im a lucky lucky duckling, thats for sure. naturally i had to be with him on this momentous occasion, although probably more momentous for me than for him, as he doesnt give too much of a shit about age or numbers, etc.

i flew into vancouver on friday, sweet ass two and a half hour flight! too bad i rode alaska, you know i used to like that airline, but the seats are TERRIBLE! never again. well, as much as i can help it. maybe im just used to em, but i prefer southwests seats above most. what am i their spokesperson? the answer is no. anyhoo, flew into vancouver, cool ass airport!!! its like a rainforest in there, no jokeski. it even had like a waterfall coming down next to the escalators. sick shit bro. customs went by pretty quickly, got me a red jeep and drove two hours up to whistler, home of the 2010 winter olympics. the drive was pretty breathtaking, although in my case, it was more “no fucking way!” inducing. beautiful scenery, lots of green and glacial lakes. sun was almost setting so it was really sweet. got in to the hotel and took a little rest while waiting for j to finish up a yoga gig somewhere close. we had a lovely night in, watching lockup and ordering room service. i loooove time with my loverbear. especially times where we can kinda pretend were at home, although we might be in hotels just as much.

woke up saturday way too early for js tastes, so i went for a little walk in the woods on a bear hunt to bide my time and use up some energy to try to go back to sleep. didnt find any bears, and didnt make me tired, but when i returned j was ready to suffer waking up to spend some qt with big mama. watched breaking bad as we do, then met up with carla and denice for breakfast-turned-brunch-turned-drinks. kokanee!! its canadian beer, and very deliciouso. headed over to joeys sick ass house about 10 minutes into the mountains for a bday bbq for j and manas who coincidentally were born on the exact same day, year, everything! ive never met a birth day twin of my own, how fortuitous that j and manas are twins and in the same band. they look like twins too, as j is my white bottomed boy and manas is straight from nigeria. so j tells me that joeys parents basically owned whistler and sold it off and now they just are cruising, living the life. assholes. just kiddin. joey was super nice and extremely hospitable, and a fantastic cook at that, holy bomb ass seafood meal!!! yummofest. more beer consumption, then back to the hotel to get ready super quick for the show that night. great show, more beer, blah blah, more drinking you know the routine.

soooo sad to leave my loverface the next morning. its the worst shit ever but i suppose if someone has to do it, it should be me and not some nasty ho. well some other nasty ho i should say. tried to go back to sleep but that failed. drove down to vancouver to hang with denice and her roomie sarah for the day as my flight did not leave until 6pm. took me an hour and a half to get down to whistler! stoked. d and costa (sarahs last name and her nickname) live 30 stories up in this cool ass apartment overlooking the water. vancouver is soooo cool!! we went for a 7 mile (!!!!) bike ride around the sea wall. little bit scary as i am not the best bike rider out there but i managed to not crash or fall or piss too many people off. its a really cool city, did i already say that? every time i would say it, they would respond with “only in the summer!” hahaha. in the winter i hear its the pits. vancouver in the summer has got a real rainforest feel. lots of water and lots of buildings, got some beaches too and parks galore. saw a few biplanes landing on the water. is that what theyre called? whatevs. hmm what else. after that was done, i felt quite proud of myself, then realized they do this shit like every day. dealing with la traffic might use up more mental energy though so thats unfortunate. we took a very short ferry ride over to granville island and had a nice lunch there (no alcohol). after that denice oh so kindly came with me in my rental to the airport to make sure i didnt miss my flight. thank GOD for her, i would have totally fucked my life over. my card wouldnt work at the gas station cause its a different country, well that was pretty much the most disastrous thing, but in my rushed state of mind it seemed kinda catastrophic. sweet sweet denice, soooo awesome and hospitable and hilarious. we’re like international friends! i met her in bali over a year ago, saw her again in california last year, then got to hang with her in her hood! thanks to her, made it safe and sound, even though i slept nil on that damn flight. but it was all worth it to spend my loves birthday with him, id do it again a million times over! well gimme a little break in between..

on the road again.. i survived three nights on the bus! maybe i was more mentally prepared than usual. or maybe a lot of beer helps a lot. couple instances of claustrophobia but that was remedied by taking the outside edge of the bunk. which presented a new problem = feeling like i was going to fall out at certain turns. j insists there is no way i will fall out. in keeping with the usual, i definitely dont believe him on that one. could be worse if i do fall out, we’re second level (there are three). whatevs. i dont know why we insist on sleeping in the same bunk. must be love sprinkled with taking advantage of limited time together.

friday night – saratoga mountain winery. did i drink wine? im really asking. hmm… i think i started with wine then alternated with beer. safe house. super cute venue. reminded me of a mini red rocks. i dont remember much else, i should really write this shit within a day of happeningz.

saturday – laytonville, gaia fest. holy hippie fest. this was beyond anything hippie ive ever seen and i can be pretty hippie in my unbrushed hair muumuu glory. the people seemed like they were all on a special kind of koolaid. i did not want a sip. although by the end i was feeling the crazy hand gestures during dancing. kinda mad j didnt tell me that people dress all weird for this shit, i would have at least brought my muumuu. or made a fun costume! exciting news, we found our relationship mascot! it was a little boy who looked like a miserable little bastard in a lion outfit. love it. there is a pic of that down there. it was pretty fun, but super dirty/dusty. thank god for baby wipes. we tried to ride this “ride” where you sit on a cardboard flap and slide down this hay hill but this fool manning it yelled at us cause were “adults” and it was kidz only. he was scary. so we got kicked off that thing, but theres nothing like hippie support, as there were a couple passersby complaining at the injustice of not letting us on. thanks to a nice man named bobcat we sneaked in later and got our ride in! it was as exhilarating as you’d think it’d be. there was also a nude river bath but i didnt get to venture that deep into the gaia depths. not complaining. anyway this show was the best i have ever heard j everrrr, i wanted to cry. he is so amazing. why am i dating a rock star, i did not plan for this shit. good thing he is patient and nice on top of being good looking and stuff. on the realz, i loooove watching him on stage. he is so cool! and talented. mad skillz to pay the billz. (not my billz, im an independent woman. syke. i could use some help. but only cause im fiscally irresponsible sometimes.) and he still pays me attention even when hes performing for thousands of adoring fans. thats some real love shit probably right? barf. etc.

sunday – reno, knitting factory. id never been to reno! it was all i expected (which was not much). hahahha. it was cool. scratch that it was HOTTTTTT. during the day we had lunchy and watched beasts of the southern wild (sooo good) with mikey and sara. sara was bawling like she just got aborted. love it. j got all teary and shit too. i usually cry, but i wasnt compelled once to cry. hmm. that makes me sad in itself. not sad enough to cry though. oh god, its like a neverending cycle of sadness and no tears. show was dope even though there was no place for me to sit until i ended up back of the stage with sara, like its all about us or something. this night i got extra drunky. but guess what!!!!!! i was fun (i think) AND well behaved, isnt that novel! must be my new age of ripe ol 28! i think im gonna grow up this year. fingers crossed. not too crossed, i dont want to lose myself or anything. ejemplo: some lady shoved me out of the way on the balcony when i was trying to see j and was all “WEVE BEEN HERE FOR A LONG TIME” and rather than throw her off the railings while telling her that, bitch, i was there for a long time, almost two years to be fucking exact, i paused and said “oh. sorry.” look at me!!! im all growz up. sometimes. anyway i think thats about it. its always great to see everyone drunkyface on the bus after the show to wherever is next, dancing and laughing and actin a foolz. except for j, why does he never get shitfaced. hes too pro. i dont know how i feel about that. i want to see him shitfaced just once. so i can get over it build a bridge style.

this part of my life is lotsa fun i must admit. i hope it never ends. well i mean i hope it slows down once its time to get knocked up should that time ever come upon us. or maybe not, tour bus is pretty kid friendly. if the kids gonna be a drunk pill poppin nomad that is. i think more importantly i should be focusing on not being a crazy windbag of a woman. workin on it. i am very grateful for all in my life who help to try to lead me out of the paths of darkness. truly truly truly.

xo

i needed an e-place to shove all my pictures n other fun random stuffs so friends and lovers can peep em without my having to subject myself to the horrors of social media. that’s my story and i’m stickin to it like glue. yeah yeah, yeah yeah, sean-a paul. so mi go so den.

xo