nomad'z land

hmmm. so im in class doing this. psychopathology to be exact. which is gonna be dificil cause we are all wearing costumes since its halloweenie. or maybe its perfect cause we look nuts. diagnose that shit with schizophreniform yo.

okay so! austin:
1. holy traffic. way worse than la. so fucked up.
2. met js dad for the first time! i was nervous cause im human but it went well and it was a trip to see similarities between the two. like whistling and other stuff. pretty cute.
3. leahs last night on tour booo hooooooo! so sad.
4. got to see my cuz karen who made the trip from san antonio with her friend grace wheeeee! so happy karen and j finally got to meet, shiet. about motherfucking time.
5. bbq! we had some real live texas bbq. which means we smelled like a smokehouse for the rest of the night. yummofest.
6. i love being in texas with j since hes my texas boy.

dallas:
1. ughhhh i cant believe i didnt go to the fucking grassy knoll, kennedy obsession fail!!!! fml.
2. but i did go shopping and got so much fun stuff wheeee! im not even a gold-digging ho anymore but im not gonna lie j made me realllll happy with that one.
3. ummm. what else. we had a shitty breakfast but ended up paying only 12.75 for five people probably cause they knew it was so shitty.
4. i did mikeys jessica smith workout with him which i can see how hes lost so much weight. that bitch works it out.
5. i think thats it for dallas?

houston:
1. oh boy. the crew bus broke down 50 miles out of dallas so we had to cram on band bus. and i CANNOT SLEEP on the bus unless it is moving or unless im just wasted. so that was not fun.
2. hung out at walmart because we couldnt park at HOB til 1pm which what the fuck. just fuckery this day.
3. i think i pretty much tried to sleep the whole day but that was unsuccessful.
4. and again my memory is shit. ummm showtime then we went to some terrible bar that was playing like super hardcore metal. ugh.
5. oh it was great cause the show was empty so i got to watch from all over the place! even front row by j where he was like what the fuck are you doing there. it was awesome cause i got some dope pics!
6. got to sleep pretty good this night cause the drive was like 6 or 8 hours or something like to nawlinsssss!

NEW ORLEANS!
1. so happy!!!! i was up and at em at the ripe hour of 11.
2. i had warned j the day before to make sure he got sleep cause i wanted to hang out ALL DAY and just bask in the reverie of our love memories and shit.
3. and he actually woke up!! on his own!! but it was to take a shit so fail on getting up for love.
4. so we went to breakfast and j had more grits which i now love as long as it has sugar and butter on it which is bad for you but it is the golden armpit or whatever j calls that part of the us.
5. then we went wig shopping!! i love me wigs. i wanted a shag mullet a la serena ryder and you can bet your sweet ass i got it. i love having j with me cause certain people (read: generalized white girls with nose rings and visible tattoos who were the emo ones in high school and listened to kroq) are nicer to me if hes around cause he has a mohawk and tattoos and looks cool. little do they know! just kidding he is the coolest.
6. j ended up getting a wig cause who can deny the power of the wig.
7. i think we took a nap after this then went to cafe du monde to get beignets and cafe au lait for boodles and hot choc for me!
8. got a hurricane with sara and walked around while the boys were in soundcheck and boy shit is rough i am no longer in my mid 20s partywise. how sad. yet acceptable i suppose. found costumey things for the cruise or maybe we were just feeling the alcohol and needing to spend money
9. showtime! i watched most of the show from the same place syleste and i were that fateful night i met j three years ago. such memories! fond fond memories.
10. oh man crazy lady alert. craziest lady ive seen at a show. she was either drunk or crazy or both. either way she was frightening. i guess she had accosted j outside the bus before the show. then during the show she was right in front of j and kept calling out to him and shit. then all i saw was security telling her to back the fuck up. so she started flipping him off and saying she had a vip pass or some shit. and she tried to climb the barrier twice!! eek. she got kicked out which is great but she was totes there after the show waiting. fucking creepy.
11. walked around after the show, found our corner had a kiss for sake of documentation, flew home at 5am which was hell cause i was delayed an hour so missed my houston connection and was just an hour late in general. and now im off to florida tonight for rombelloooooo which will surely be a shit show but im going to spend at least 12 hours in bed. i HAVE TO!!!! im tired. tired is fine but looking tired es no bueno.

the end. hoping rombello post will be more colorful and less outliney but whatevs fuck off love ya.

boo in town for a week? yes please and gimme more! im lagging on this shit fml. here are pictures. sweet pictures of my honeybuns taken by queso pelpola cause i was busy getting drunk. assistant photog ftw.

okay fine ill write a little because i am procrastinating on reading. oh school, you slay me. i mean really, you fucking slay me. i die. i am resurrected! so here we go.

i loveeeee when j and i get to play house and one of the best parts is room service then throwing our dirty dishes into the hall and voila its taken care of. if only real life were like that. sidenote we dont literally throw them into the hall, that would be rude and very socially unacceptable. la show was da bomb, we met antonios baby soooo cute. dad drank out of nadyas flask like a gangsta then was ready to party. i mean really, he drank half her flask then dragged mom out to watch the opener. queso doonks and i watched sidestage like js groupies which we are except i get the physical privileges and im not willing to share. yet. or ever. then huevs and jared came soooo happy my newly engaged friends! blingathon holy rocksville on that muthafuckin finger get it homies. very good times, it ended with us ubering from akbar (i think its called that) to mcdonalds and i ordered in espanol cause when im drunk i speak other languages. which means im either an alcoholic or multilingual. or both. anyway

back to me loving when j stays in town. my commute was cut in half soooo happy!!! and we had our third anniversary together also so happy! nothing spectac in terms of celebration mais oui c’est si bon that i was with my love just hangin at fake home. fome. foam. phome. et phone home. okay stop! jesus. ummm what else. blah blah blah anaheim.

quick jaunt to anaheim where boet and angela came to the show and i got weird cause well this is me being transparent now. i guess. i am not all rainbows and unicorns!!!!! im sure that is apparent.

then sd! part deux. we shot a scene or two for the new video which is why i am wearing my sister in laws wedding dress. wedding dresses are so hot i would need ac up in there. portable. pronounced por-TOB-leh. im french accenting it these days. by these days i mean the past seventeen minutes. and only in my head. im rolling my eyes at myself so you can save the energy. pretty excited about my foray into video hoe-dom. next video imma be in will be dirty thugs making it rain on me as i do my awesome stripper moves  and instead of stripping ill be putting more and more clothes on. get it, they give me money and i buy clothes and i put on everything i buy. its like a time lapse of sorts.

next up texas and NEW ORLEANS where we are going to reenact our meeting three years ago way too excited about this. i hope we cry about it. thats a wrap! thats what she said. when he opened the condom wrapper and out came a fake condom saran wrap thing cause he was trying to get her pregnant. i should not quit my day job to become a joke writer. but i should quit my day job cause im lazy and tired of this shit. just kidding im grateful oh who am i kidding i need a nap and a vacation. okay bye.

dude. i am making up for how lazy and unproductive i used to be. word up so hard about it. if i could run, i would be running to every place i have to be. unfortunately due to my gimp knee i have to allow myself that much more time to be able to walk briskly rather than gun it. poo poo. so i left work in a rush on friday to make my afternoon flight to vancouver which yellow! there were no lines at the airport. it was amazing! i got stuck in the middie but whatevs. got reading done as well as a little bitty nap. matt who is the best tour manager in the universe got a runner to pick me up which holy shizer it took us 45 minutes to get to the hotel when it should have taken 20. traffic follows me wherever i go like a dark cloud. there were coincidentally also dark clouds. and low temperatures which i cant recall the last time i was cold somewhere. endless summer, youre finally over. actually not cause its hot in la so tgif.

anyhoo they played at the queen elizabeth theater at the same time a football game was going on across the street, so lots of stuff and more stuff. great show, and holy smelly aftershow party downstairs. that was basically my impetus for wanting to scram. j has other reasons. we had about two minutes of downtime at the hotel before heading to sushi with other michael and his crew. j jokingly hailed a limo as a cab and he actually took us to the place which i was way too excited about, as evidenced by the photos down there mate. i want a limo to take me everywhere i want to go from now on. this is very unrealistic and douchey so fine i take it back. michael bernard fitzgerald or is it michael fitzgerald bernard is hilarzzzz and i love his whole crew, i kind of wish they were permanently opening for spearhead in the hizzy. and gavin degraw cause i love his voice. anywyz i was pretty much dunzo from exhaustion and alcohol and weed never help my cause. i was fading quickly then we got back to hotel to pack in 15  minutes to make bus call so we could get to border crossing (boo). this fool (j) just left me on the bus and matt had to come wake me from my slumber so cbp could raid the place. darn it. darn you.

so we got to seattle and i woke up at freaking 12 pm ?!?!? i wanted to wake up at  like 9am. fail. i wanted to do homework and then explore. fail on the homework part. i tried to get j out of bed to explore with me but he wasnt havin it. so i walked around for less than an hour, down to the fish market or whatever. joke time: what did the blind pimp say when he walked into the fish market? “pay up bitches!” or something like that. im not the best at retelling jokes that are more than 10 words long. but you get the gist of it. got to talk to syleste on the phone which was nice catchup time while i perused the 1000 aisles of this antiquey thrift store which surprise i didnt buy anything. went back to the bus then went with j to promo at a radio station somewhere. pretty quick. then we got massages wheee and had some pho yum!

god im getting fat, tour fucks up my life and body. damn you road, damn you!! i basically only consume beer and hot dog buns. fml. oh man but there was this amazing bread pudding at the show in seattle which just made my LIFE. BREAD PUDDING!!!!!!

this is so disjointed cause i dont sit down and knock out a post, it takes me like 7093 breaks and i try to keep it within one day, but we will see.

okay so show in seattle, and afterwards we smoked some pot outside on the street cause apparently its legal there. THEN!!!! drum roll please. are you ready?

breaking news: i gave j the meanest lap dance of his entire existence. hes so lucky im his girlfriend right now. it was in the back of the tour bus and bulby put on rihanna or maybe drake and i was inspired by rihannas dirty ass bullshit to just get down and dirty my damn self. if only there were a pole available. imagine if you will, me with my american jacket and my fuzzy shearling vest, leggings and my uggs as well as flowers in my hair. i may or may not have been wearing two tank tops and my lmu sweatshirt. pretty epic stripper costume if you ask me. and i only took off the vest, you know leave em wanting more. a lot more. i think there are pictures of this floating around somewhere. i need to hunt them down cause im sure j wants to be able to revisit this and not just in his mind which im also sure is playing nonstop in his head. cause it was just that awesome. am i right boo?

okay so in accordance to the laws of the universe, once something great happens something shitty must follow. that shitty something was our bus dying and us having to move ourselves and our belongings to the crew bus. wheeee we got what we wished fer! all together again 😀 this was 9am and i guess the bus died at 5 or 6am so total fail. we were still 6 hours from our destination somehow, and after a little while we stopped in pendleton which is probably still in washington, and mike j sara and bulby got onto a little biplane to make their fundraiser which i was totes uncomfortable with cause i just had visions of a fiery death and me grieving in all black, fabulous but so so fucking sad at a funeral. oh this took a bad turn. unlike the biplane which thankfully landed safely. so i got to boise with just enough time to catch my flight, but not before having midday crew beers and doing some reading and falling asleep in the bunk which antonio generously donated to us (me). and now i am back home watching pacquito eat his feet which is cute and also fascinating and disturbing. another week bit the dust, week 7 of grad school, here we gooooo! (mario voice. or was that luigi. childhood memory fail.)

ps i am too lazy to put the pictures in order and im also eating fried chicken and rice with my right hand. left hand ftw

first stop after an almost two week hiatus from traveling: kansas city missouri on a friday night! i sat next to some seriously rick james looking fellow on the plane, complete with dookie braids and a gold tooth. also! when i stepped onto the plane, ‘life is better with you’ was playing! kismet. i liked the plane, too, i believe it was delta connection. it seems more like a shuttle bus. the flight attendant told me they were starting a shuttle service to and from sf. oh my god who cares. anyway arrived to the venue where i saw my  loverbuns and we embraced sweetly then he cautioned me to be wary of who i hug and say hello to cause everyone was sick. self fulfilling prophecy cause we both totes got sick. mine was more sleep deprivation though so i escaped most of it once i gots me some muthafuckin sleep. j on the other hand… we had a day off in south dakota that saturday during which i did homework, we slept, j took about 75 hot showers to steam his sickness out of his body, i went to the mall behind the hotel to get eyeliner and shit, and i saw some of our peeps so we had mall sushi which actually was a lot better than we expected. unforch we had to leave that night at freakin 1am boohoo so no night hotel sleeping which waah waah first world problems fuck off. ummmmm what else. we got into winnipeg sometime saturday night/sunday morning which meant we had a border crossing. winnipeg was creepily deserted but maybe it was just cause it was sunday. wow my memory is seriously shitfest 2013. blah blah, show time, got into regina the next day and flew out from there. ps regina sounds like vagina i dont know why they pronounce it like that. canadians eh!