nomad'z land

diagonal mammal was i
and not in a sexual way (‘way’ pronounced aussie style)
from la to maine i flew
through floating oceans of blue
clouds like popcorn light not buttered
window shades alternately opened and shuttered
from sun to rain in one half a day
popped my midair wifi cherry, eight dollars to pay
b’more to portland lord have sweet mercy
straight up beaches character barbara hershey
times ten, twenty, a hundred and three
all o these daahlings and little ol me
crabcakes n beer made up for it all
smoked too much, ate too much
what? paint peeling off walls?
a venomous smell, tears blinding sight
sorry i stunk up the tour bus, good night

canada albany
i wanna wallaby
wrong country not close
nother pot overdose
too much food
belly ache
its no good
gimme cake
wait no i cant stop
eating pills dusting crop
death of me
off to sleep
count from three
dream of sheep

you say torahnto i say toronto, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

and thus began the first of my travel weekends during grad school. the idea of traveling aka adding shit on top of more shit was giving me major anxiety, but now that the weekend has passed, i — in keeping with my stupid ass ‘need to see it to believe it’ credo — am now ready to embrace this particular pile of shit on top of currently existing shit for several reasons which i will list here:

1. seeing the boodle (duh).
2. i. get. SO. MUCH. READING. DONE. on these flights!!!!
2a. if i get all my reading done for the week, that means i am a very happy girl because i am not cramming shit in during the week which i do not have time for tuesdays through thursdays, at least for the next 13 weeks.
3. getting the fuck out of dodge aka hello escapism i love you you are my new bff.
3a. ive never looked more forward to not being behind the wheel of a car, or looked more forward to being on a plane in seclusion with no distraction for hours. crazy how the grass turns greener at random times. a seasonal effect, if you will. god im stupid.
4. free alcohol and food.
5. did i mention seeing my loverbear? not to mention seeing him nearly every weekend is like a dream come true for this at-times (okay 89% of the time) manic biotch. but aside from that, i love him so and crave him roughly equal to how much i crave pizza. and now im craving pizza. ugh i just had some last night. and the night before. and ill probably get some more today for lunch. fml. last meal shit right there, its a given.
5a. try as i might to resist the truth, for who knows what reason im like this, i do love traveling with the boo and being in a different city/state/country every 24 hours when were on the road.
5b. lets be real, wherever j is is home to me, and at this point in my life i am on that damn tour bus for more consecutive hours a week than anywhere else, which i actually find great comfort in.
6. traveling weekends can actually be done!!!! and i return feeling mentally refreshed even if i look like trash.

anywayz. i flew into detroit by way of chicago and arrived late friday night. just in time to catch the end of meet n greet yay (sarcasm). i actually was hoping to catch some of the show which is a good indicator that i am either a) super in love with j, b) very creepy or c) a true fan. gonna go with a) and b). i think its the only time i wish i had a car ready for me to drive upon landing, cause i know i will get wherever the fuck i need to be a hell of a lot faster than a cab driver. it doesnt matter where i am. im just that gangster. i will say that my cab driver was very into intellectually stimulating discussions about cognitive behavioral therapy and shit so that was fine. anyway we hang for a little bit then head on into toronto where we woke up at fucking 1pm. jesus christ. oh well, sleep was much needed and accepted. j worked while i worked out, we watched michael do a cardio workout he found on youtube (fascinating), then we went on a date with michael! haha. you know i just noticed how long it takes me and j to get from point a to point b. cause people are always fucking talking to him. im going to buy disguises for these fools so we can get wherever quick instead of dilly dallying cause a bitch just need to eat or take a shit or whatever the fuck im trying to do, you feel me. umm what else. show was cool, i found some weed by simply asking around (we didnt have any in canada). crazy what happens when you just ASK for shit its like ‘the secret’ except.. secrets out niggaz! i think i drank more than i should have this night. and by “i think” i mean “i totally did and fml.” but i wasnt hungover per se my tummy was just off as evidenced by my methane fartbombs. anyway woke up the next morning.. wait actually we woke up a few hours after falling asleep at customs which was just a haze. we had to walk into the fucking building and shit. im pretty sure i was wearing pants i was just so out of it. then we went right back to bed and woke up the next morning in pittsburgh. i pretty much was carb loading to soak up the alcohol from the previous night. yuck. watched j work, we hung out for a little bit,  also played a game with bulby where we make raliegh play random songs on the piano just to see if he can do it. and he can! such talent on the ivories mon. had to say my goodbyes which are always wayy more bitter than sweet. made it to the airport despite reports that the steelers game letting out would cause a mess of traffic but there was no traffic and then it hit me! these fools dont know shit about traffic, im from la bitch! me n traffic are way tighter than i want to be with anybody ever. anyway, successful weekend, yay 🙂

next weekend: maine and canada again? i dont know. eek longgggg travel day but im fixina get all ma shit dunzo. ttfn!

ps. 2 weeks down, onto the 3rd! well see how it goes. i think im getting the hang of it. balance, balance, balance! and more balance!
pps. i fear i may be mistakenly though understandably perceived as hating life or grad school, both of which are very untrue, it just takes me a while to accept change sometimes, sue me! “im not suspicious im cautious” – kain as featured on dream’s ‘this is me’ (remix). ugh loserville. whatev that song is my muthafuckin jam.

i wish i could write.
without having to write.
what i mean is
i wish i could capture all my thoughts that are like flocks of birds all flying in different directions into one spacious nest,
and have them all face the same way,
each politely taking their individual turn to chirp
with enough time in between chirps so that i can document their opinions properly and accurately.
thank you for your time, next?

sometimes they flow easily like a cool stream lightly over smooth clean stones
other times they’re like mini explosions, timed haphazardly, that i have to chase all around the map like a war photographer

i love the best exotic marigold hotel. its two hours of beautiful one-liners spoken to a background of vivid imagery. the kind of movie i’d like to one day write.

i think love can happen at any age. any time of day. between any two people.

today’s my first day of solitude after my first week of grad school. its a unique place to be, simultaneously attending a public community college and a private graduate school. its the yin and yang of academia, personified. yes its a full load–school, more school, work, volunteering, traveling–but its a good one. i feel it in my bones. somehow time stretches to include all that needs to be in a span of 24 hours, like a belly full of good food and contentedness, it really does. the rigor of higher education and the laxity of community college classes. its like being a prolific child actor and being provided mandatory therapy to ensure that one’s foray into adulthood isn’t met with the pitfalls that can so easily accompany fame. christ, with that metaphor, i obviously grew up in la. anyway, im glad that im undertaking both at the same time, even though its ‘by choice although not my choice’.  its kinda like training wheels, and i dont quite mind having them on. sometimes i like having my hand held.

i feel challenged and blessed. anxious and eager. ready to be the change freddy.