nomad'z land

for fucks sake. this is lata than a knocked up ho.

j had a show in hawaii so of courseeee i had to tag along. you know i lovez me some hawaii. i belong there. this must stem from being bullied by white kids in kindergarten and obtaining serious hankerings to be surrounded by people who looked like me, little bowl-cutted chinese looking boy that i was. theres also the whole island thing, and the beach thing, and the being in the sun thing. and the spam, cant forget the spam. or the malasadas. pineapples. okay ill stop. but for real, the sun and the spam.

anyhoo. rented a half topless jeep which was awesome but also faulty as we failed miserably at getting the top to actually shut. oh well. so the show. it was a great show save for THE HARMONIZERRRRRRRR RAWRRRRR. holy devil worship sounding shit and nobody noticed?! go figure. fucking hippies. partayed after the show and dont remember going to sleep which means i was inebriated on some level. do remember j telling me to stop drinking which of course is always a bad sign hahaha. fml what do you want from me!

next day was the best ever because we got to drive down to tripler hospital where j was born!!!!! do you know he had never been back to the hospital. it was so special. we almost cried but not quite. what a great experience. i was so happy to get to be there with my loverbuns. meanwhile im going to the hospital where i was born tomorrow for a pap smear. my hospital visit aint special, basically is what im trying to say. anyway back to not me, it was really cool to document his walking the same hallways and steps and corridors and parking lot that his parents did 40 years ago. what a trip. thats some full circle shit mang. did i mention im crazy about him? cause i yam. so glad he was born. id rather not think of the emptiness that would exist in the dimension of my soul that is his, had he not been.

anywayz. you know mcdonalds is the fucking bomb in hawaii. they got all sorts of shit that dirty island kidz like me only dream of here on this sheisty mainland. got back to turtle bay so j could play some hippie yoga something or other. no joke, i had to leave 10 minutes in cause it was that granola. i can be pretty granola, but this was like whole other level granola. ridiculous. i did return but hid back/side stage and tried really hard to not die watching these hippie ass shenanigans.

finally got me some muthafuckin spam, almost missed my flight, watched hawaii 5-0 the entire way home, felt sad about leaving hawaii, and now im over it and reliving it and oh im over it again 4 months later. aloha biatches.

is not quite worth hiding. if youre j and me, that is. the city of sin had us ironing clothes (well j anyway) on saturday night, ordering room service, and watching a lockup marathon. yeah, thats how we party. hard core. edccccc!!!! not.

friday:

we were due in vegas around 11:30 pm/12 am. my flight was delayed indefinitely, as were all southwest flights, due to system failure. waht the fuck? tracking systems werent working and so couldnt let planes fly. ridic. i actually wasnt tripping since 1) its southwest, im not surprised, and 2) i dunno whatevs, i figured id end up in vegas eventually. my 10pm flight finally left at 1215 am, but not before being delayed a bit more due to a china airlines plane on fire blocking our way. everyone was fine but again what the fuck. friday night southwest shitshow fo realz. you can always tell youre on a vegas flight cause rowdiness level is always super high and shit. whatev i was busy studying followed by nappynaptime. js flight was due to be delayed by an hour. then another hour. and by the time i landed, i got word that his flight was cancelled. what the fuckkkkk part three. such a bummer. he got on the next flight which was 8am. so he got about 2.5 hours of sleep before having to trek back to the airport. what a mess. i was able to check in to mandalay, and by the time i actually got there it was like fucking 230am. woke up to j knocking on the door since i deadbolted that shiz because im paranoid cause i was watching scary things on tv, also you should always deadbolt cause you never know whos going to try to break in and rape/kill you. anyway, sohappy to see my loverbear even though we had just seen each other exactly two days prior. mushfest i love that man!! he is so good to me. i wish everyone can share him cause hes so great but also thats pretty much the last thing i want.

saturday:

caught up on sleep, had some breaky downstairs at like fuckin 2pm or something. went to the pool for 3 hours or so. major people watching. people watching in vegas is the best/worst. at one point i told j, “i feel bad in vegas because i feel judgmental and shit” to which j responded “well theres a lot to judge.” tru dat tru dat. there was one woman (i hesitate to refer to her as such but whatev) who had a plastic gold champagne bottle with a huge chain like a purse. im sure there was alcohol in there. needless to say she was loud as fuck and nearly foaming at the mouth. crikey. frightening. so vegas pools are like sardines in a can. kind of grodes. but ill take sun however i can get it so i hunkered down and dealt with it. hmm what else. oh yeah our super exhilarating saturday night! we got back to our room. i finished my reading homework while lockup marathon was on. j proceeded to iron our clothes for the next morning’s wedding festivities. there is something about my man ironing my clothes that makes me want to just love him forever and other naughty things. we also played with my new canon t3i whoop whoop and the polaroid (not a polaroid, its a fuji instax, but nobody would know what a fuji instax is). then we relished in how relaxing and fun our vegas saturday night was. could not stay awake after a certain point and only woke to eat room service. didnt even hear the guy come in whatttt thats how you know im OUTSkiz.

sunday:

woke up earlier than desired (630am) to prepare myself for the 9am nuptials at graceland chapel (where bon jovi got married!). got to hardrock at 8, met up with js dear friend tommie sunshine and his beautiful bride daniela, and headed on over to the chapel! so fun and easygoing. daniela had on a white bikini and veil and some clear stripper heels, and tommie wore a white suit with no shirt. hahah lovez it.  her bridesmaids were this dj duo from sweden, both in orange mini jumpsuits, ponytails, and platform boots and i do mean plat. form. oh man an elvis wedding is the bomb!!! elvis walked daniela down the aisle while singing.. i dont remember what he sang. it was a very short ceremony but packed with songs and lots of elvis song title references. i think we were all nonstop laughing and smiling. weddings should be that easy! no stress at all mon. elvis had us singing along to “i cant help falling in love with you” and “viva las vegas” hahaahahhaha. i think my favorite part of the wedding was when elvis asked tommie if he wanted to be referred to as “thomas” or “tommie” and tommie asked daniela for her input. she responded that it was up to him, whatever he wanted, and he replied, “well from here on out, its all up to you anyway,” to lots of laughs. a man who recognizes! amen etc. ps tommy lee was a no show, apparently he was face down somewhere. im guessing deep in vag jooz.

after graceland chapel, packed up our stuff at mandalay, put it in storage, then headed to hard rock for the wedding reception which was really rehab, the pool party with fat boy slim spinning. this was the only time j and i drank. i passed out in the sun without sunblock (fail in theory but not in life cause i didnt get burned or anything just crispy like i like!) and j was catching up with old friends and making new ones as he does so well. yeah, totes missed our 5pm flights, so switched our flights to monday morning, and rebooked at mandalay, but got hooked up with a suite at THEhotel. i loveeeeed our room! on the way to the room i told j he needed to feed me more alcohol otherwise id fade into oblivion so he fed me a bud light and what do you know, it worked! ordered room service again, had ourselves a little dance party amid our 18th floor view of vegas. what a fuckin  great difference it is to be bff with your bf. shits the bomb.com. hmm what else. well, i guess thats it. i woke up early as a motherfucker to catch my 6am flight, and left my sleeping loverbear to rest up for what would be his twice delayed 845->1030 am flight. and now im sleepy and cant wait for my next adventure with my boo! next weekend: canada. saskatoon to be exact. ttfn!

aosdfhiaosidfhasoidfhasodfihaosdfih.

perhaps once upon a time i held visions and delusions of grandeur and stardom and fame and ridiculousness deep in the recesses of my juvenile mind. this must be so, because this upcoming trip to vegas is dripping with hilarious vicariousness. j is standing up in a sunday 9am elvis wedding for whom the best man is tommy fucking lee. the reception will be poolside and will be dj’d by fatboy slim. aosidfhaosidfhaoifhaosidfh i could die at the thought. and to think, im just some nerdy hoodrat from the valley. i think we all know what the biggest issue is here. what the fuck am i supposed to wear?? we might be crashing edc, i told j i would bring a pacifier and tube socks and pigtails and those colorful beaded bracelets since thats pretty much what i think rave style encompasses. am i that off? ill be bringing at least three cameras cause we all know pics or it isnt real and shit.

stupidity aside, i had the best date night with j last night. put ma red heels on and we went to muthafuckin in n out. and got seconds. love is grand. c’est si bon!

im pretty sure it can be said without hesitation or doubt that i am not a woman of few words.

sometimes i wish my yoga classes lasted all day. i love that feeling of centeredness i get from practicing in a room full of people there for the same reason, from the sort of guided meditation that comes from my yoga teachers, from being challenged physically, mentally, and spiritually. and i especially love how yoga isnt in-your-face like soooome fucked up institutions we know (cough faith baptist cough). its kinda take-what-you-can-get-from-it-and-if-its-a-little-or-a-lot-we-love-you-all-the-same-and-will-always-be-here-for-you, no pressure.

anyway, my practice today was not only a sweaty ass kicker, but it really prompted some thinkin. in particular, the idea of “needing.” basically, i need nothing. i should amend that. i dont need much at all. no possessions, no distractions. when im in yoga, i have a bottle of water, my slippery yoga mat, a towel (sometimes), and my sweaty self. and i am so content with that. when im in some remote surf shack with j on an island somewhere in southeast asia, and all we have is a bed, a mosquito net, conversation and each other, im like crazy at peace. this morning when i went hiking with huevs and it was us, nature, and our water bottles, i felt super calm and relaxed, despite the fact that i was sweating bombzville and huffin and puffin. is it that i know my belongings are somewhere waiting for me to return? would i worry about those things i supposedly need if i didnt have them to go back to or rely on?

back to needing nothing not much, i started thinking about how that relates to letting go. all these attachments, physical and emotional. take, for instance, my hoarding which i obviously got from somewhere not naming names (mom) okay i named names sorry. like, is my shopaholicism and inability to truly purge a direct reflection of my mental inability to just let go? and i mean letting go of hurts and sadnesses and things that dont serve me anymore at all. is that why i am always taking way too long to fall asleep, because i havent purged whats unnecessary from my mind (daily and cumulative), leaving my mind to race to the point of exhaustion? chicken or the egg: is my hoarding a physical manifestation of my trouble in letting go of things emotionally? to be quite motherfuckin frank, there are definitely things i have trouble letting go of. bitch please, im not gonna go into detail here. i save that for my jiary (thats an amalgamation of ‘journal’ and ‘diary’ – yeah i just made that up, and it kind of sounds middle eastern. not sure how i feel about that cause lets be honest were all at least a little racist. but its okay cause my best friend is lebanese) and for in-person conversations that cant be recorded or referred back to or paper trailed, and for which, if divulged, i will depend on my dazzling eloquence to prove the other party a complete and utter liar and how dare you make shit up about me, etc. welp just somethin to think about… maybe once i manage to let go of all the things i should let go of truly, my closet will become immaculate like jesus’ heart. hahahhahhahhahaha. im an idiot. or was mary the immaculate one? so much for my religious educational background. but really, maybe if i begin to purge my physical belongings, itll somehow create more space in my mind. experiment time biotches.

meditation. slowing down. it seems counterintuitive to getting shit done right? yet.. its actually so not. i still have much work to do on this, but from what ive experienced, slowing the mind actually ends up begetting substantial and effective progress — mind and body. in savasana for instance. youre supposed to keep your mind still and kinda just take in what youve learned from the previous 90 minutes of yoga. let it drip into your bones and your soul and stuff. yeah, not so much for me. i swear i try but once im still its pretty difficult for me to just not think. and i often think “i shouldnt be thinking of anything right now” but the fact of the matter is jack, i dont really care… yet. i dont particularly mind that i cant shut my brain off. maybe ive accepted it which come to think of it, is one step up from being frustrated about it. so there is that. i kind of think that once i get savasana down itll be because im at a place of super enlightened peace, and yes i do think that that is possible. or maybe once i get to a state of super enlightened peace my savasana will show it.

the end the beginning omega alpha boom shakala ttfn